Blues (Ryeji)

Worries

YEJI's POV

It's already dark when we left the cafe and on the way home, the rain has stopped.

"Are you okay? You seem to be too quiet?" Lia asked while focusing on the road.

"I'm worried" I replied truthfully.

Everything that I was experiencing these past few weeks, since I met her, makes me feel bothered.

"Why?...is it about your condition? How are you feeling?" Lia glance at me, eyes filled with concern and tap my shoulder before putting her hand back on the steering wheel.

"No, it's not that... It's just... I feel like I'm being too happy and content these days.. and it makes me worried for what's about to come because you know..." I said lowering my head and not meeting looking back every time she glance.

Then I felt her car stopped when Lia pulled over the side.

"Hey come here" she said and pulled me in a hug which I accepted.

"You know.. you should just forget all of that worries and start to enjoy and cherish every moment.. either it is meaningful or just a simple moment because.... You never know...." She said patting my back.

"I'm scared... What if the end just suddenly appeared?" I said in verge of crying.

"Then the people you'll left behind won't have regrets cause they enjoyed everything they did together with you... But surely... They'll miss you" Lia said and I heard a few sniffs that I broke the hug to look at her.

"Hey, don't cry.... Ahmm let's go?" I said wiping her tears that rolled down her cheeks. "And I'm happy for you by the way... I'm happy seeing you happy with someone.. I hope until the end... Be happy okay?" I continued looking at her happily.

"And I'm also happy for you.. you know that it's obvious right? You and Ryujin?" She said that made me look outside the window. I sigh 'I hope we can be genuinely happy for long'.

Not long after our small talk, Lia continued the drive and soon we have arrived at our house.

"Do you want to eat dinner with us?" I asked opening the car door.

"Nope.. it's family time.. see you tomorrow" she said while smiling and waving goodbye which I reciprocated before going inside the house.

I wasn't greeted by my parents but when I walked in, I saw them already sitting at the dining table, foods were already prepared.

"I'm home" I said and my mom immediately went to give me a hug.

"Sweety why are you late? Did something happened?" My mom asked worriedly.

"Sorry I just kind of lost track of time and I'm with Lia, don't worry" I said to reassure them and start to walk to my dad and give him a peck on the cheek.

Then we started to eat but in the middle of it, Dad spoke.

"So Yeji about--" I cut him off knowing what he was pertaining to. "Dad please I need more time".

"But already months have passed... And we are just saying you should get the surgery.. it's for your own benefit" He said that made me stopped eating.

"And what if it fail? Can the two of you handle losing me earlier than spending my remaining time with you?" I said as I felt my voice cracked.

"No, ofcourse not... We are doing this cause we want more of that time.. spending with you" My mom stand up to hug me.

"There's a bigger chance of you to live longer if you do it... And the doctors are more excellent there so you won't have anything to worry about" my Dad stand up and was about to approach us but I stand up.

"No!" I shouted before running and going in my room.

I plopped my self on my bed and hug my pillow, burying my face on it.

'I don't want to do it. I'm scared that once I closed my eyes... I won't be able to witness the world again. And I'd prefer to live my life until I can't anymore'.

A lot of thoughts run in my mind and I just cried it all out then I felt my phone in my pocket vibrated.

I opened it and I saw her name.

"Hi!"

"This is Ryujin by the way... If you haven't saved my name yet"

"Are you still awake?"

"Sorry, I might be disturbing you. Good night then, sleep tight"

I just stared at her messages for a few moment. 'What'll I do to you? How can I keep it a secret from you? Or should I just tell you and what will happen after?' I'm really scared that one day... This person... The one that's making me feel the worth of being alive.... Will be gone in my life.

'Hey, I'm still up'

'Did you just got home?'

I replied after having some thought if I should just let her rest, but I wanted to talk to her so I did.

"Oh great, you haven't slept yet"
"Just wanna ask if you enjoyed this day?" Ryujin sent.

'Ofcourse I enjoyed it... Everything.'
'How about you? You might probably tired?'

"Me too. I enjoyed my time with you."
"I feel like my tiredness were fading"

I smiled receiving her first message but became confused for the next.

'Huh? You just arrived home right? How come you already rested?'

"I'm taking my rest now... Talking to you"
"Thank you". She sent that made me flustered.

'I want to live longer but I don't want to take the risk and live shorter than expected'' I thought, staring at her message.

We continued exchanging messages until she bid her goodnight, saying we'll still meet tomorrow at school.

I put my phone on the table beside my bed and laid straightly, both hands in my stomach.

I stared at the ceiling, not feeling to sleep at the time then when I checked, it's already 12:09 am and I still have class later.

I moved and laid on my side, hugging my pillow. I noticed a certain umbrella on my desk.

I sighed and forced my eyes close but to just felt tear drops escaping from my eyes.

'you're making it even hard for me' I thought before feeling myself doze off.

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So it's been a week when I started writing this. Just one night these crazy storyline appeared in my mind and I felt like writing so I did. Thank you for the 200 reads!!! It means a lot and I didn't expect to even have a reader.

Again thank you for reading!!

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