Blues (Ryeji)

Well

RYUJIN's POV

I have never felt this terrible since I moved here, not until now.

It's like my body don't want to move and leave this room. To work or just face what would happen today.

Laying still, I remembered how our great time had turned into what happened yesterday.

In any way, I couldn't think of properly. How can I just accept and be happy that she helped me. Maybe because I know my family, they'd be given more, they'll wish to have more.

I don't want her to be chased by them when things got messy and they knew more about her life.

When she hold my hand, I felt like I'll break down when I saw how vulnerable she was. And it was because of me.

I never liked seeing her like that but my mind is just not in its most organized state.

After she left, I felt my tear rolling down my face and I let it.

Until I dropped on the floor, hugging my knees and leaning to the couch.

"What's wrong with you Ryujin, you just pushed away the only person that's giving you the reason to live" I whispered to myself as I knock my head lightly that soon turned harshly.

'Now...my happiness is gone' I thought as I let myself enter the darkness.

Going back to my senses, I rolled off my bed to get ready for work.

I didn't informed anyone about my absence in the cafe yesterday, I know I can trust chaeryeong with that.

I don't really have the energy to make myself a meal so after dressing myself, I picked up my bag.

'I need to busy myself to get these thoughts off in my head'

But maybe, she's already part of my day.

As I opened my door, there I saw how she rose up from seating on the floor.

I just looked at her, no hugs and giggles like the way we used to spend our mornings together.

Then she extended her arms handing me a paper bag that most likely was filled with our supposed to be breakfast.

I'm not mad at her, maybe I'm just ashamed of what kind of family I have and because of them, I'm doubting if I deserve to be with her.

And I'm not fine with her just giving away her money for me, the thing that I worked really hard for could be easily given by someone and that, I admit that stepped something within me.

I didn't accepted the paper bag and just locked my door before walking away. She didn't called me, and I don't think I would be able to ignore her when I heard her call my name.

Arriving at the cafe earlier, I talked to our manager if I could take the work inside and not the one I usually do for the mean time, thankfully he agreed.

Before our work starts, chaeryeong and I did talked and I explained to her why I didn't come to work the other day and also tell why I moved to work inside.

"Are you really okay?" Chaeryeong asked me as she leaned on the door frame of the kitchen where I'll work.

"Yeah... I guess so.." I told her, also unsure of my feelings.