Blues (Ryeji)

Tears

RYUJIN's POV

I left that place.

Maybe that way, I can act like this night never happened.

Like I didn't hear anything. Nothing was unvieled.

I run and run. These streets lights that should lighten up the way, why it isn't doing its job and make things unclear and blurred for me.

Covering my mouth with the back of my hand, I let my feelings out. Tears rolling down my face, nonstop.

I didn't even care to those people I passed by. Seeing a person like me in this state, at Christmas eve.

Until I slowed down my pace and soon dropped down on my knees, feeling too tired to go nowhere.

"Why!?!" I shouted and bowed down, face a few inch away from this dirty ground.

I can't hear any sounds, maybe because I'm now alone here in this dark road.

My chest felt so heavy that I don't know how I'll be able to handle the pain. I just can't.

I thought I could finally get my break from this cruel world. Have the life I wished to live and be happy finally. But I guess, life hates me.

She'll leave soon. She'll leave this world. She'll leave me alone.

She's the reason why I wanted to go on, but how I'll do so knowing her condition.... Knowing what will happen in our future.

I remained kneeling and sat on my heel, covering my face with my palms as I sob.

"Oh God" I mumbled, not knowing what to do anymore.

I haven't even said those three words. Why did you even let me meet her if you'll take her away from me so soon. Can't you just take me instead please?

I feel like I'll have nothing if you take her away from me.

I shed my tears but it's useless.

But staying here won't change a thing either.

Standing up should be as easy as breathing but why do I tripped and stumbled as I try to walk.

Maybe because I felt too weak. Like I have no energy left to do anything.

I decided to stay seated at the side walk, catching my breath and stopping this painful feeling.

When I felt like I've stayed too long, I stand up and managed to walk my way back home. Maybe she already left.

Every step I make, I felt like I'm coming back to what I have heard earlier.

Every words, her cracked voice and the conversation.

I bowed down my head incase I'm not able to control my emotions and cry once again for the same reason.

How great that the night cold breeze isn't enough and it started to rain. Which maybe I should be thankful now that I don't need to hide my tears.

"God... Can't you just take me? I already done a lot in my life.... Take me instead of her... She... She deserves more to live than I am.. she have a family... She has a life to live... Please take me... I can't live---" I raised my head to talk to him but not able to finish it as I felt myself being dragged harshly.

I didn't see who is it, but I know it's a man.

Until I was thrown to a wall in this alley.

I felt pain on my back but as I tried to stand up, a blow in my stomach was made. Hearing them groan and chuckled, like they enjoyed seeing me suffer.