Read to me ~ Xingyun

4

Chongyun POV:

I lay awake in my bed, staring at the celing, My attempt to go to sleep had failed so I was stuck alone with my thoughts,

Great.

I sat up and wiped some sweat off my forehead, it was getting really hot in here, I stood up and opened the window, sticking the top half of my body out and leaning against the windowsill, the cool air instantly calmed me and so I decided to go on a walk, I got changed into some clothes and snuck out the window, I didn't know if Shenhe was meditating or sleeping but I had to be quiet either way. Lucky for me, right outside my window is a roof, the roof of our neighbours house.

I quietly jumped off the roof and onto the ground to begin my walk.

Surprisingly the bustling city of liyue is actually calm and quiet at night time, apart from the noise of drunkards yelling. I made my way out of the main town and towards the bridge that connected the part of liyue I live in to the rest of Teyvat, when I arrived I watched the water below me ripple as droplets of water hit, it was still raining but very lightly. The natural element of the water was obstructed by the walls and the long drop, but in its own way it was still beautiful,

I sighed as the cool air blew through my hair, it was refreshing and I felt at ease, I looked to my left to see the town square where me and Xinqui had parted, I hadn't seen which door he had gone into so I didn't know where he lived but I knew the general area, so I knew he was rich, that left me wondering how he was so lonely.. I mean all the rich people I have met before were surrounded by people at all times! But maybe its because he doesn't flex it, I mean I wouldn't have known if I hadn't seen the area he lived in, but I guess that makes him more genuine, like.. he doesn't buy his friends... now that I thought about it... I had never really seen him talking to anyone..

I could ask him if he had friends but that seems like an insensitive question, plus he seemed really happy to hang out with me and I don't want to ruin that already. Suddenly I heard someone call out my name.

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Xingqiu POV:

I sat in my window seat, as usual, watching the streets below, I had ran out of books to read and my new ones weren't arriving until the next day, I looked over at my clock, 4:15am,

Just as I was about to go to my bed, I saw some familiar looking blue hair on the bridge between the two parts of liyue, I wasn't 100% sure if it was him but I had to go and find out, what was he even doing out here this early?!

I got dressed and ran downstairs, I didn't need to be quiet, it's not like anyone would notice I was gone, as soon as I got out the front door and looked over to the bridge, my suspicions were confirmed, it was him.

"Chongyun!" I whisper yelled, not wanting to wake anyone up,

He looked over at me and his calm expression turned into a surprised one,

"Oh- hey Xingqiu." He nervously smiled, waving at me,

"Are you ok? What are you doing out so early?"

"Early?"

"It's 4am" I informed,

"Wha- it is?"

"Yes, now why are you awake?"

"I could ask you the same thing." He responded, crossing his arms,

"Well I'm only awake because I didn't have a book to read before bed so i couldn't sleep."

He looked surprised at my quick response,

"Oh.. Well I just.. couldn't sleep so.." he trailed off,

"Are you ok?" I asked, placing a hand on his shoulder,

"Yeah, it was just really hot in my room so I wanted to go for a walk."

"How is it hot? Its the middle of winter!"

"It's just my condition playing up, don't worry about it." He spoke before covering his mouth.

"Your condition?"

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Chongyun POV:

I covered my mouth,

Shit I wasn't supposed to tell anyone about that!!

"Your condition?" Xingqiu asked,

"I- uh- don't worry about it, It's nothing big-"

"What is it?"

"It's just- well- I cant- I'm not supposed to-"

Fuck I was freaking out,

"Chongyun, its ok, you don't have to tell me, you look like your gonna have a panic attack!" Xingqiu spoke worriedly, placing his hands on my shoulder,

"I'm fine.." I whispered, tears overflowing out of my eyes, my breathing was shaky and uneven and my chest felt tight, he was right. I havent freaked out like this in front of someone since I was 12, I cant let it happen again!!

"Chongyun it's ok!" Xingqiu whispered, attempting to reassure me,

I covered my mouth to try and quiet down my hyperventilating but that didn't help,

Xinqiu moved my hand away from mouth and continued his attempts to reassure me, his voice had faded into the background and It felt like everything around me was swallowing me up, my legs gave out and I fell to the ground, followed by Xingqiu,

I felt a hand on my face and my attention became focused on the navy haired boy in front of me,

"Chongyun, listen to me, just try and focus on your breathing and stay calm, I know it feels like it but your not suffocating and your not alone, I'm right here!"

Suddenly everything went quiet, the suffocating feeling slowly went away and after a while my breathing became even, I leaned against Xingqiu as the panic subsided slowly, he was stroking my hair which strangely felt nice and calming,

After a while the panic attack just turned into tears, I was laying there crying like a pathetic child again, I hate this, I hate being this vunrable, I hate being this weak, and in front of Xingqiu aswell?! Yet of these thoughts just made me cry harder,

"Are you feeling any better?" He whispered softly,

"I- I'm sorry- I didnt mean to- I'm really sorry.." I sobbed into his arms,

"It's ok, you did nothing wrong. Do you want to tell me what caused it though?" He asked, still running his fingers through my hair,

"It's just... I'm just so sick of keeping all of my feelings hidden, I hate it so much, but then I hate feeling them aswell, and I- I'm not supposed to tell anyone about my condition.. its such an easy r-responsibility and I still messed up... I don't know what to do... I never know what to do.. especially when I mess up.." I spoke, still crying, I felt so pathetic but then telling someone about all that... it felt like a massive weight lifted off my shoulders....

"You know... I'm glad you felt you could tell me all that... and I think you have way too much pressure on your shoulders and if it helps, you don't have to hide your emotions around me, I wont be upset."

"It- it's not that simple... my condition.. it messes with my emotions and body heat and all that and so I have to be emotionless or else I will enter this... drunk like state and I can hardly control anything and it always ends in someone being mad at me..."

"I won't be mad at you for feeling your emotions chongyun."

"That's what they all say.."

"I'm not just saying that chongyun, your the first person to have actually bothered to spend any time with me, you think I'm going to leave you because you show your emotions?!"

"You're a really great friend Xingqiu.." I whispered before burying my head into his shoulder, there was a moment of silence before he responded.

"Thankyou, Chongyun."