One-time thing

13 - rectitude

Josephine Langford

"Is that why you're into medical?" he questions after my answer to his previous question and I nod my head in response.

He has been asking several questions to me about my personal life, and trying to get to know me better, and I just let him have it if it helps take his mind off of things for a little while.

For a little while, though.

"Any boyfriends?" He asks again, and I snap my head at him in disbelief.

"Too late for that question, don't you think?" I ask, bringing my hand in front of my eyes to shield from the hard sunlight, and to be able to see him clearly.

"It is, but we agreed that what we did didn't mean anything... so maybe I thought" he shrugs his shoulder, making me frown at the mention of meaningless again as we both take sit down under the shed of a tree at the edge.

"Nah I'm not a play person like you. I don't like to fool around with just anyone and everyone" I say, and he holds his chest trying to act offended as a scoff falls his lips.

"So I'm not just a anyone then, huh?" He cocks his brow, nudging my shoulder with his arm and making me shake my head at his silliness.

"No you're not" I whisper subconsciously, immediately regretting it but then I'm reminded that he knows how I feel after all, I'm like a half open book already.

"You're not either" his statement takes me back in surprise.

Not again, Faulkner

"I do feel something between us" he whispers bringing his hand to rest above mine, his fingers interlocking with mine as my body lights up by his touch.

"Hero..." I sigh, taking my hand away from him by going with my gut, "I'm your distraction. Distraction from the reality that awaits you inside"

"It's not like that" he tuts, disappointed clear in his voice as his soft eyes try to explain him to me.

"You're simply trying to escape the truth that has befolded, and I can't be a bait in this"

I tell him what I strongly feel, and what I know is the truth.

I had decided to be here for him as his support, merely an ally, but I can't let him use me like this, not when he doesn't know what he feels.

If I had been sure about his feelings, or I could see that he isn't trying to cover up, I would have given in.

But turns out I'm not that stupid after all.

"You need to talk to her, and be there for your daughter. It will take time, but you will sort it out" I say, as every word feels like fire gushing out of my mouth.

"I just- I don't know if I can do all of this Jo" his head falls heavy on my shoulder, as he lets out a deep breath in defeat.

"You can. You just have to face it. You can't run away from them now"

A hum falls from his lips, and the lump in my throat keeps rising as I continue pushing him away from me mentally.

I know for a fact that by encouraging him I am just letting the chance of him slip from my hands, but it's the right thing to do.