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CHAPTER TWO. more ghost than girl
( tw! contains mentions of suicide and self harm )
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THERE WERE TIMES when Marina Diaz felt like she was more ghost than girl.
It had been a total of four days since she came home from the hospital and it almost felt as if her life was still as miserable as ever without any hope of actual change. All of her days were beginning to blend together into a endless and empty nothingness, the broken girl with scarred skin wallowing alone in her own pit of misery, while the darkness withering its way through her soul and consuming her very being began to swallow her whole. That's what Marina's life consisted of now. She did her best to get through her blurred days, then she would cry herself to sleep, and when the woke up the next morning she would repeat the cycle in hopes of a difference in her routine.
But all Marina Diaz felt these days were the slow beats of her tarred heart, and the shallow breaths coming from her aching lungs. As each day continued to pass her bye, the girl often found herself wondering if this was all life had left to offer her now she was struggling to keep herself alive. It made Marina wonder why she was even bothering to try and keep herself going. She knew she wasn't doing it for herself. Maybe a part of her was scared of leaving her family behind after seeing the state she almost left her own mother in. But there was a point when Marina wondered if her family was even worth all of this. Especially if she was already on the verge of death.
In Marina's eyes she already was, and now she was nothing more than a ghost wearing the innocent face of the girl she once was before she found comfort in that stupid blade, and how it made her feel when she dug it into her soft flesh. That stupid, godforsaken blade ruined her life, yet, the feeling of its serrated edge digging into her skin, and the way it made her body come alive became her safe haven all at once. Neither were good, but in Marina's mind, neither were bad either. And if she had the chance, she would do it again. But since her attempt to end her own life, Marina's family have been watching her like a hawk. So she had no other choice than to play pretend until they trusted her enough to think she wouldn't dare think to try again.
