Love Aside | Ellie x Male Reader | The Last Of Us

Misuse

*Readers pov*

Marlene: Well, what do you think?

We both drink a rum bottle, I had about 3 already. I have been sitting on this same stool for all of those drinks.

You: I just want to die..

Marlene: You're drunk, Cutter-

You: Yeah, so what?

I take another swig.

You: Do you know how many times I held a clicker by its throat, hoping it would bite me?

You: How many times, I wished to use the last bullet in my mag on myself?

It's just, holding a gun at a Runner, knowing the last bullet in that mag can be used on you. It makes the pulling of the trigger so much more harder, almost making you close your eyes from the pain after knowing that your life is a bit longer.

I take another swig.

You: I carve blades into my skin for fun! I'm a sick fuck who will be never loved! I am feared!

I stand up and immediately stumble as I gain my stance.

I pick up my mask on the floor as I sit on my arse, looking down with my hood over my head.

Marlene: Cutter...

You: I am fucked, angry, sad and drunk! I wish the amazing pain of a Runner ripping the flesh off my throat. Paradise of knowing I will die.

Marlene sits next to me.

I drop on the floor onto my back.

I look at her, pulling up my bandanna.

You: Be there a heaven or hell I deserve to be punished.

Marlene: Welcome to hell...Let's drink until we can't feel.

You: I'm so glad I met you, Marlene. I wish you could kill me.

Marlene: You could kill me in a second.

She lays back with me.

Marlene: You aren't crazy, Cutter. You're just depressed and don't fear death. Your actions aren't crazy, they are out of your pain.

You: I don't get it...

Marlene: Pain drives you forward, so you cause pain and feel pain so you don't stop and die. It all drives us. You're just like everyone else, just feared and badass.

You: Thanks, Marlene.

Marlene: Ey, that's why we drink. So we can sit back, don't feel pain and relax for a moment in our life. Stopping once in our life.

I begin gagging out the rum, I pull down my bandanna and get on my knees with my head down.

Marlene: Come on, keep it in!

You: I think I swallowed a cockroach.

Marlene: Or...You're choking on blood.

I stop gagging.

Marlene: You'll find love one day, Cutter.

You: No more.

I gag once again, feeling acid from my stomach rise into my throat.

Marlene: You'll find a girl who will love you for who you are. A badass, feared, boy.

You: Who's that then?