Standing in the restroom, you wash your face insistently.
"You're just like me."
"Keep playing pretend."
"Do they even know what you are?"
"Think he'll still care about you."
You slammed your hand against the sink, but the words kept flooding in.
"Are you alright?"
You jolt. There's a woman standing there, watching you concerned.
"Y-Yes I'm.." You try to level your voice.
"Just a tough case..that's all."
She sends you an understanding smile.
"It gets better, trust me."
You nod, and she sends you a comforting smile before exiting the bathroom. You grab a tissue, wiping your face. Taking a number of soft breaths, you finally will yourself to go back and face your team. Serial killers weren't going to sit around and wait for you to get your shit together. You rush out, doing your best to gather your bearings before you enter the room. When you do, you muster the best smile you can.
"Sorry about that. Just some stupid drama. What's the case?"
From the looks on their faces, you could tell they weren't fully convinced.
"You don't have to pretend kid, we all got messy backgrounds."
Rossi states. You want to deny it. Act like you're not a step away from breaking down. When you let out a soft sob, Garcia rushed to you.
"Oh honey.."
She hugs you, and holds on, letting out the weight of all the bad memories this one encounter has left you. Morgan stands, then Rossi, Reid, JJ and Prentiss. They slowly make their way over to you. Hotch follows suit.
Trying to bottle it all inside obviously wasn't going to work.
Not with a team of profilers.
~
At the end of that day, Hotch lifts his head at the knock at his door.
"Come in."
You enter, shutting the door behind you.
"I was hoping you were still here sir." He's about to offer you a seat, but you shake your head.
"When I first came here, I wasn't completely honest."
He places his pen down.
"I..I did come here after Amber got hurt but the man that took her...I-I was the reason your team found him the way that you did." Hotch is trying to understand what you're trying to say.
"That man from earlier, he's my father. Manchester Joseph Black. When I was five a man broke into our house. He raped and killed my mother right in front of me."
Hotch knew you'd lost your mother at a young age. But he'd tried to avoid digging too much into it. He wanted you to disclose it to him yourself. He felt like he owed you that much after finding out about your friend the way he did.
"My parents loved each other more than anything. When my dad lost her he...he changed. I thought he was just dealing with the grief, but that wasn't it. That's when his abilities...that's when they manifested. " You looked down at your hands.
"He searched for years, even after the cops had given up on the case. When I was in my last year of high school, he told me about everything. His pursuit for my mother's killer and his powers. I thought he was crazy. That he'd finally just couldn't deal with it. But the night of graduating he took me out. I thought we were going to celebrate. But he carried me to the apartment of the man responsible, and he murdered him right there in cold blood. No trial or jury. " Hotch stood.
"He killed someone, we have to find him." With a weak smile, you shook your head.
"You'll never find him, trust me. If you think I'm powerful, well, my father, he's unstoppable." The tears were coming again.
"He found me a few years ago when I..When I went after the guy that took Amber. I-I wanted to...I went there too.." You couldn't get the words out, and Hotch moved from around the desk, pulling you into his arms.
"You're not him."
Those words just made you cry more.
You spent years telling yourself you would never go there. But your father was right. Had he not been there, that unsub would be dead.
"Hotch I promise I'd n-never hurt you or this team I promise-"
His hands came out, wiping the tears and stopping your frantic babblings.
"I know."
You didn't have to plead your case with him. He'd be lying if he said he wouldn't have done the same thing your father did. Hell, he'd killed George Foyet when murdered his wife, so he could see why your father had done the same. But he'd never do something as horrific as let his son witness that. He could only imagine the trauma you'd gone through, lived with for so many years.
With such an upbringing, it was admirable that you hadn't turned into your father.
