Aaron Hotchner (Criminal Minds)

Chapter 34

The spot he's chosen is fairly popular. You both arrive a few minutes outside of the given time, but your seat is ready. You both sit down, and your waiter goes off to get you drinks as you think about what you'd like to have.

"Nice choice."

Glancing through the menu, there seems to be so much that you'll enjoy.

"I've noticed that you're very fond of seafood."

The fact that he pays attention to that isn't even strange. It's a bit difficult to turn off his profiler brain.

"I do. My mother was obsessed with that cuisine. I think it rubbed off. Especially-"

"Shrimp." He finishes. 

You grin.

"Yep. It's my favorite. It's even funnier because my dad isn't as crazy about it. This one time my mom had just eaten shrimp. My dad wanted a kiss. So he had to decide between a smooch or shrimp breath."

 The memory you share makes even Hotch laugh.

"I take it he chose the former. "

"He really did."

You were a bit worried that this would be awkward, but it's going very well.

"I know I don't say it enough, but your contribution to this team is valuable. "

"I'm glad to hear you say that. You all are like family to me. I know I haven't been here long, but it feels like I'm where I'm supposed to be."

"I'm happy you feel that way. I know I never made it easy for you. I apologize if my actions made you doubt your place here."

"Hotch, you never have to apologize for protecting the people you care about. I understand. I'd do anything to make sure the people I love are happy, safe."

There's a pain that follows those words, he sees it for a second in your eyes. But you school your features too quickly for him to make any real conclusions.

"I'm glad to be a part of this team."

You mean it. You wouldn't trade it, not for anything.

~

Three hours later and Hotch is dropping you off at your apartment. Since you'd left your car at Quantico, Hotch has offered to pick you up in the morning.

"Thank you for the dinner sir. I really did enjoy it."

For Hotch, you know this is a treat to sort of welcome you to the team. There were points when you thought there was interest on his part. He did ask you out. But you convince yourself that this is purely platonic.

Because you aren't sure you can take any more heartache if you'd created it in your head. He has Hailey. Although they are still divorced, there will always be that love. You won't get in the way of that. Not after all you'd gone through to bring her back to him.

"You're welcome."

It's one of the rare times where he smiles. You'd almost forgotten what they looked like. When the both of you were together, he wore them so often. But this isn't then. Right now you're practically strangers. He isn't yours anymore. You're not entitled to those looks.

Standing at your doorstep is a bit daunting. It just resurfaces those old feelings. The ones you'd train your body months to forget. You can't accidentally touch him when you think he needs comfort. Or kiss him when you know all he really wants is support.

"Why do you always look at me that way?"

You snap out of your pity party when he speaks. In that moment, you can physically feel your heart drop. You scramble to gain a neutral expression.

"I-I'm sorry I don't know what you mean sir."

"I've been watching you. Since the moment Strauss recommended you. The way you interact with the team displays ease, as if you've known them for months. Your resume was extraordinary, and your work in the field is remarkable. "

"Ummm, thank you. I'm just trying to be an asset to the team sir." 

Hotch takes a step closer, and you swallow.

"The fact that Strauss was the one who placed you on my team has always made me weary. But when I look at you, when I'm around you every bone in my body tells me to trust you. Yet whenever you look at me, all I see in your eyes is grief..and love.."

You want to scramble away. Make a break for it before he says anymore and you fall apart right there. It's only when his palm rests on your cheek that your body has regained the ability to move.

"S-Sir we shouldn't be..doing this.."

"Can I kiss you."

You feel as though you stop breathing altogether, and you no longer have the ability to stop the tears. Hotch looks shocked at the way your eyes water. He doesn't even get a chance to ask, because you kiss him.

It's like Deja vu.

You're very first kiss, both this time, and the one before.

Hotch is slow to respond, but when he does, he wraps his hands around your waist, pulling you as close as your bodies will allow. He can feel the wetness of your tears on his cheeks, but it doesn't stop him, if anything it encourages him. His hand is pressed to the door for support as he deepens the kiss. You open your mouth and your tongues collide. It's so raw and wet. You're begging to taste every bit of him, and Hotch complies wholeheartedly. Your fingers dig into his suit, and you're both so taken in the kiss that you don't see the lights flickering above your head.

Hotch is the one who parts. It's slow, and he pulls in heavy breaths. You're not much better. Your eyes open simultaneously. When Hotch looks back at you something is different. There's a recognition in his eyes that you hadn't seen before.

"(Y/N)..."

His tone is so familiar, but that's

"Impossible."

You read right through his thoughts, and when he looks at you, that's when you know.

"A-Aaron..?"

His smile is weak, like he's apologizing.

" I'm sorry that it took so long."

You sob, and pretty soon you're crying. Not those controlled tears you always see on television. No, this is messy. You're full on bawling as you clutch onto him. Because the last six months have been hell for you. Watching the man you love walk around with no memory of you. Potentially losing him. It's finally caught up.

Hotch just holds you, because he knows right now, that's all you need.