erotic ; spencer reid

chapter 29

*three months later*

Angela's point of view:

Waking up to a pool of sweat,
I can already tell my socks are wet.

Between the road raging car horns and passing trains, I had managed to sleep until 10am.

Pushing myself up off the floor, each knuckle seems to crack itself before I can fully sit up.

Reaching out for my phone, my elbow knocks the bowl off the coffee table, chopped bits of bud fall with it.

A defeated sigh slips out my lips, swiping across on the phones lock screen.
A few messages from dad, one from JJ, one from Derek.

The usual, 'how are you doing' shit.

How does one 'do' after something like that?

" Just let me in, I promise it's fine" He demands.

I'd seen him a lot of ways before, never like this.

" Have you not stopped since last night?".

There are a few scrapes on his body, a cut on his lip like he'd been in a fight and a few bruises.
His pupils almost take over his eyes, sweat pooling on his forehead.
It's 6 in the morning, Derek had left for work.
I had not slept more than an hour last night.

" Just let me explain, its complicated. I'm risking everything just being here" He looks frantic.

How much had he taken?
His phone dings, before dinging again.
One of his hands slide to his back pocket, pulling it out to have a look.

Watching his eyebrows furrow before dropping, his lips downturn before sliding it back into his pocket.

" We can't be together. It's not right" He deadpans.

" I- Sorry?".

Did I hear correctly.
After everything, all that we'd been through.
One fight and he's done. We're done?

" What do you mean?".

" I mean I am no good for you, it's too selfish of me to be with you".

Blinking a few times, my arms cross over my chest.

" What were those text messages?".

His whole demeanour had changed.

" It doesn't concern you. Goodbye Angela" he says.

Sticking my hand out, I gently place it over his.

" You can't leave me, there's no good reason to go. What have I done, did I do something? Was it me?".

He shakes his head, letting out a quiet sigh.

" You've done nothing, I promise. It's just-"

another ping from his phone has his eyes widening.

" I slept with Vanessa last night".

His blank stare has me begging to deteriorate.
To just dissolve, or better yet never exist in the first place.

It looks as if his mouth opens to say something, but then shuts.

He looks back once before disappearing down the stairs.

" Jesus, rough night?".

I'm brought back to the present,
Jessie stares down at me, a bubbly grin across her face.

" Here, I'll swap you" She holds out a mug of coffee, reaching for the empty beer bottle by my leg, disappearing into the kitchen before I could thank her.

Placing my phone back on the table, my lips engulf the mug.
Taking a few small sips before Jessie sits across from me, beginning to roll a cigarette.

I begin scooping the bud back into the bowl.

" Ha! I remember the first time I smoked a bowl with my friends and I tipped the whole bowl over into the grass" Ruby stands over me.

Cocking my head up at her, she lets out a sigh.
" What're we going to do with you?".

I shrug, placing the bowl back onto the table.
" A question I keep asking myself".

The both of them laugh, Ruby walking over to Jessie as she sits down next to her.
They light the cigarette, Ruby holding it over the ashtray while Jessie lets the ash hit the floor.

" D'you think we should go out again tonight?" Ruby asks.

Jessie nods, taking another drag.

" What do you think Angela?".

I just nod, dusting off the patches of dry blood on my knees.
Two large scrapes, both on the verge of bleeding.

I can't really remember how they got there.

" I've got work at 10 tomorrow so, as long as we're home like before 8am so I have time for a shower" I push myself up off the floor.

" Perfect!" Ruby grins.

Walking down the corridor, I turn into my bedroom.
Kicking off my sneakers and throwing my socks into the wash basket, crawling onto my bed.

I just lay there.
Wanting nothing more than to sleep, to partially get away from it all.

The window half open, let's in the morning sun.
It's nice, sometimes rare here in New York.

I like the noise pollution here,
it almost stops my mind from venting all the time since it's preoccupied with different noises and sounds.

There are too many people here in the city to feel alone,
yet this is the loneliest i've ever been.

I don't regret leaving home,
though missing Jack hurts the most.

I think dad kind of figured it was for the best.
I just had to get away from it all,
I never want to see him again.

His voice is engraved in my mind and although some part of me finds comfort in it, the other hopes that one day i'll forget what he sounds like.

I want to forget how he looked at me, how he made me feel,
how he brought me comfort for the first time since my mom died.

but none of it was real.
it couldn't have been, he ended it like it was nothing.

i hate him.
i don't think i'll ever look at 'love' in the same way again.