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Lil and Jess leave me to rest

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Lil and Jess leave me to rest...they don't go far, though. The two stand on the deck, watching the ocean swish. I lay back on my pillow, too anxious to sleep. So, I watch the yellow, blue paradise outside. What do I do about Brad? Once he gets here, do I act as if all is forgiven? Do I pacify his actions again? This time wasn't like the last; it wasn't an argument. It was a kill attempt.

I can't let him walk it off or cool down. This was extreme...too extreme. How did he become this violent? Why didn't he listen to my screams? Where is he?

The mixed emotions in my mind hop between complication, wonder, and longing. I still don't understand his reaction. I'm baffled by his plan and upset because I want to see him again. I still care...I'm just lost. I don't know what to choose. I'm not in love with Brad....but I do think I'm falling for him. There's no way to stop it.

My girls want me to break up with him. I think that's too severe. Brad has a problem...I'm aware of that. He needs to work on his rage. He's scary when he's pissed off. That should be enough to call it off. Yet, I still care for him.

Maybe it's the first boyfriend thing. Maybe it's because he's the first real-life guy who's shown me interest. I'm used to texting over a screen...not being in a relationship. This is all new to me...and it isn't as easy to solve.

Jess and Lil hold hands on the deck. I know they're not doing it to taunt me....but it feels that way. I just want love...not this ball of stress I keep finding myself in. I've had a few normal days out of this week; it seems the upcoming ones will be arollercoaster. I just want my hotel room and bed. I want peace of mind. My mind is drained. I crave loneliness.

At the same time, I'd like a companion. It's all so confusing. It's as if I can't be alone as I have for years. The taste of love has me obsessed. But the headache and bodily torment from today have me wishing for darkness. Not death...just the void I was in. The soundless, sightless black seems inviting right now. My soul needs a detox.

The iPhone on my lap rings. I debate answering it. I want silence...then again, it may be important. Let me not be an introvert. I'll recuperate my fried brain when I go home tomorrow. "Hello?"

"My men have him."

"Where?"

"On I-70 West. 20 miles out."

"The expressway?

"Yes."

"Wait...how'd they get him?" I try to figure out how his car was collected from a busy ass expressway.

"They parked the copter...then latched his car to it."

"And disrupted traffic...fast ass traffic??"

"Oh, they gave a warning beforehand."

"Wow...still, that's dangerous."

"My men have no limits."

"No shit." I puff out.

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