Chapter 53 - Hollow grief

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Q: Do you ship Sera and Parker?

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Hollow grief

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~ Sera ~

Time.

Such a complex concept that we use in our everyday lives. That dictates what we do and when we do it. There are moments in life when we want time to pass by so quickly, like when you're in a dentist appointment. But then there are moments when we want it to go slowly, like when you're on a trip to the Bahamas and you spend every day eating sea food and swimming with the turtles.

They say time heals all wounds. It's only been three days since I found out that the man who I love is gone. Forever.

Only three days.

But it felt like an eternity. They must be lying when they say that time heals you. I know they meant years, but whatever this feeling is, it is absolutely excruciating and I cannot imagine it getting better any time.

The pain.

The heartbreak.

It's three days since the day that changed my whole life. I had no idea a few months ago that this would be my life now. Everything was ruined. It took a just a few months to ruin someone. No, not months. Hours. It took a few hours for my life to be ruined.

My mind was in shambles, and my heart unable to process the fact. I wanted the noise in my head to stop, I wanted the pain to simmer down just a little bit for even a moment. But it wouldn't stop.

It hurt so much.

I wanted everything to just stop. The pain, the noise in my mind, and the hovering of everyone.

My parents hovered. My brothers hovered twenty-four-seven. Bethany hovered. Ben hovered. It was all too much. The attention, the concern for me. The acting as if they understood what I was going through. As if I was some little girl who was manipulated so badly into an ill-fated relationship with no possibility of a happy ending.

I found it to be artificial.

No one understood what I was going through. They thought that I was brainwashed by him and and that we never truly had any relationship. They didn't understand how much I loved him. That's why their concern felt artificial.

The nag in the back of my mind knew that they had every right to be feeling and acting the way they were. However, I didn't care at all at the time.

I wanted to rip their hair out. My hair out. But I couldn't. I felt empty. I was immobile and only ever got up like a zombie to use the bathroom. I would shower everyday but not because I felt dirty, but because I felt like I needed the pain to be washed away. I would stand in the shower aimlessly for an hour every day. Mom had to check up on me. I saw tears in her eyes when I left the bathroom. I knew she heard my never-ending sobs. My screams that I thought were blocked out by the sound of the gushing water.

I'd never felt more hopeless and pained ever before. Not once in my life had I felt this way. Sure, I've attended funerals before of family members. But I was barely close to them. Even at my grandparent's funerals, I was too small to be that sad. This was different. Way different. Despite a loving family hovering over me all week and offering me all sorts of material goods, comfort, and therapy, I still felt so alone.

No one understood what I was going through. There was not a single person I knew about who was also mourning him.

After my panic attack when I found out the news, the doctors gave me medicated drugs to calm me down. In my drowsy state, that detective man asked me all sorts of questions about my relationship with Logan. I didn't answer a single one.

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