Niall's Cancer Battle: A 1D Fanfic

Chapter Thirty: Over and Over

Chapter Thirty: Over and Over

**Niall's POV**

If there's one thing that sucks about being a dying cancer patient, it's going to the hospital. I hate how the doctors swear they'll fix you in ways that involve a whole lot of poking, prodding, and a bunch of blood being taken out. I slip in and out of consciousness as the pain throughout my body lights on fire again and again, reminding me that even though my brain is shut down in resting mode that my body still has the capability of being in pain. It sucks not being able to control the pain I'm feeling. It's like a constant dizzying motion making me feel lightheaded and faint.

When I wake again, this time for a longer time, the pain in my lower abdomen area has briefly disappeared. I take in the fact that there are wires hooked into me probably pumping me full of medications that won't do me any good. That's another thing about hospitals and doctors, they always think medication will solve everything but the cold hard truth is that it's too late for me. I know it is. I can feel the fact throughout my entire body. I'm dying.

Dying. It's still a funny word to me. I can't explain the exact reason why but I think it has something to do with how people feel towards the actual term for what's happening to me. Dying is almost always acquainted with broken promises and half empty plans full of "what ifs" and "everything will be okay." I've come to accept that everything won't be okay just like I've accepted that Zayn will never stop smoking. It's his life anyways, I shouldn't stop him anymore.

The frustrating thing about being in hospitals is that you can't leave when you want. So even if you feel well enough to get and go, you can't. I can't even get food without the assistance of some nurse who comes when I buzz the button on the side of my bed. It's a whole different story when I actually have to use the restroom. I haven't felt the need to yet so I'll test the awkward theory later.

When I finally allow myself to open my eyes, mainly because I'm bored and find no more use in keeping my eyes shut, I notice that the room is exactly the same as the hospital room I woke up in when I first found out that I was living with cancer in me -or is it dying with a cancer in me? Anyways, the only differences in this room is that the TV on the wall is a plasma flat screen, there's an ugly pink couch in a corner, and instead of Zayn waiting for me to wake up it's Liam who's seated in a black chair on my right.

Liam is slumped in the chair, his head hanging over the back of the chair. His mouth is open and a quiet snore comes from him. I watch the older boy sleep. I wonder if Liam watched me sleep and I wonder if I looked as peaceful as he does. Did my mouth hang open? Did I snore as a result of a deep sleep? Or did the fact that I'm dying ruin the image of peace for him.

I have half the mind in waking him up. I feel a little muddled, it must be the narcotics, but I still have a mind wrapped around reality. And the reality is that I want to get out of this place. I dislike hospitals and their sterile walls and painful needles and never ending tests and examinations. Even though I've been in black out mode for a couple tests, that doesn't mean I'm fully comfortable with the fact that I've been in that giant white tube machine again. I'm slightly thankful I was passed out though. Everyone knows it took a while to get me in there the first time.

Liam stirs restlessly in his chair trying to turn over in his sleep. However his subconscious mind reminds him he's actually in a chair and he slowly stretches awake. He groans and rubs his face still not sitting up and looking over at me.

"Please help Niall," he mumbles quietly to himself and I want to shut my eyes before he realized I'm awake. I feel like I'm intruding on his thoughts, taking away his privacy.

But I have no time to shut my eyes because within a quick second he's staring at me. Silence fills the air between us. I stare at my friend. I realize I haven't been paying much attention to what has been happening around me with the boys. Basically all that's been going through my mind is figuring Katie out and Zayn smoking, both of which actually having nothing to do with me.