Rite of Submission - Rite 1

22: Drowning in Doubts

                Curled up like a cat in the chair, I stared out the window not sure what to do with myself now that I was alone. I'd asked for this, but it felt like the worst time in the world to get it. I needed answers and I wasn't going to find them in here. Someone had to know what was going on with me; I just didn't know who that would be.

They already had a doctor running tests on me, but I couldn't be sure I'd ever hear about the results. How does someone survive a lethal amount of anything without showing or feeling any signs that they'd been poisoned? I didn't feel sick. Yes I'd felt dizzy and breathless a few times, but not without knowing exactly why I felt that way.

I stared down at the little pink dot on my arm that was fading. Was the doctor right and I could heal faster than normal. All lycans had a natural accelerated healing, was mine really faster than that? I tried to think back to the last time I'd ever felt sick or had a cut, scrape or even a bruise. My mind zeroed in on the last night I saw my parents. I should have had bruises up and down my arms. Had I not bruised, or had I just been too wrapped up in own self pity to notice them?

That night was also the first time I could remember being able to smell anyone's base scent as well. I had no idea what my parents' scents were. Have these abilities been lying dormant because subconsciously I felt perfectly safe among humans? Maybe being surrounded by so many wolves in such a close proximity so suddenly was bringing out some latent abilities in me like a survival instinct. Being dropped in the middle of such a large pack, constantly next to its apex predator all the time had to have some consequences. Didn't it?

Something clicked in my head. That very first night, I'd resisted an Alpha's sway. How had I done that? It might have been because I was fueled by so much rage, and he was trying to get me to sleep with him at the time. Following an Alpha's orders was supposed to be compulsory though. I tried to remember if he'd used sway the very first time I saw him standing in the living room. Had he just told me to kneel and submit to him as Alpha or had there been more to it?

My head pulsed with a dull ache. Was I getting a headache from the wolfsbane? Or was my brain just tired of me trying to organize the swirling chaos of questions I had? I let out a loud heavy sigh, silently cursing myself for not being able to make any sense out of any of it.

The sun drifted lazily across the sky, marking the hours I spent sitting there. It eventually dropped down to the tree line of the forest that covered the majority of the pack's territory. The sky shifted from a bright cheerful blue to a golden pinkish glow as if the trees had suddenly burst into flames, without any smoke. It was beautiful, and as much as I enjoyed the past few hours of being alone, I was starting to wonder why no one had come to collect me.

Were they all afraid to be around me? If there really was enough wolfsbane in my blood to kill someone, were they all worried that I could poison them? Were they waiting to see if I just dropped dead? I still didn't feel sick, so how could I possibly be filled with poison? Better question, how did I get poisoned without it also affecting Sophia or Dmitri?

This was the first time in a week that I was actually alone. Yes, Blake was standing just outside the door, but no one was telling me what to do or where to go. Looking around at the walls lined with books, I didn't have the motivation to look through the titles, because I felt like doing nothing. I knew I hadn't eaten anything since breakfast this morning, but I didn't feel hungry either. I felt nothing and wanted nothing and wanted to do nothing.

As the sun continued to set, the room darkened. Eventually someone would come to collect me, and odds are that wouldn't bode well for me in the long run. With one last look around my temporary isolation, I pushed myself out of the chair and shuffled to the door. If I could just get upstairs and be able to crawl into a bed, it would be the perfect end to this crazy day.