Rite of Submission - Rite 1

43: The Choice

                I'd been laying there in the dark, curled up in his embrace as he nuzzled my neck and snored softly. I'd never thought that I would find myself considering the things I was thinking about now. So many people were tangled up in one decision. One answer, is sounded simple, but had become an all consuming nightmare in my mind.

Blake was 100% sure that he wanted to be my Delta. I wish I had his confidence. It seemed that no matter what decision I made he was determined to stay by my side. Which tied his mate and unborn child to me as well. But they'd be taken care of either way.

Sophie had become like a sister to me. If there were no other complications, I'd stay just for her. She was just as bad as her brother with the attempts to manipulate things, but I could at least see through hers. I didn't think she'd ever lied to me before, held back information maybe, but she'd never lied to me. She helped me navigate and settle into this new life more than anyone else. Leaving her behind would break both of our hearts, I was sure of it.

Dmitri, the last few days had done nothing but confuse me more about him. He seemed like a completely different person, most of the time, now. He'd lied to me, a lot. He could be insufferable and domineering, but there had been a few moments of vulnerability. Blake was right that I cared for him; it would be easier if I didn't.

It was only supposed to be one night to explore how it could be. It all escalated so quickly. The problem was I didn't know if it was because he was bound to me, or if I was really getting feelings for him. Was I feeling his feelings or were they my own? I didn't know enough about mates or marks and the bonds between them. Was it because of the bond that I couldn't stop yearning for him? I'd been physically attracted to him from the start, even when I hated him with everything I had in me.

Why couldn't we just stay like this? Did we have to give the pack an heir right away? There hadn't been any deadline in either contract, except that I live free of the pack until I was 18, and our child be named Alpha on their 21st birthday. Dmitri would be in his 40's if we did it now or if we waited a few years. Was there any need to rush?

"Dmitri," I nudged my shoulder back to bump him, "Are you still awake?"

"Hmm," he mumbled into my neck, wrapping his arms tighter around me. "What's on your mind Princess," he drawled sleepily, leaving a kiss on my shoulder.

"Why do you keep calling me that?" He'd been calling me that ever since his wolf had.

He smiled against my skin, "It just seems to fit you. Does it bother you?"

I shrugged, "I guess not." I twisted in his arms to roll over and face him, "I need to know something."

"And it can't wait until tomorrow?" he grumped, trying to pull me back into his chest.

"I don't want to get pregnant," his body went rigid as I whispered the thought I'd been wrestling with.

He breathed long heavy sigh, "I'm a man of my word," his voice was strained, "as soon as the sun's up."

I tried to find his eyes in the dark. I wanted to be able to see what he was thinking, but it was too dark. Kissing him as deeply as I could, I hooked my leg around his and rolled him over on top of me. He kissed me back, but not with the same energy. "What if I don't want that either?" I wrapped my arms up around his neck and tried to kiss him again.

"Alexandria," his voice was chastising. "I'm not going to play this game with you. What do you want?"

I let my fingers stroke the back of his neck for a moment. That was the 10 million dollar question, and I wasn't sure I'd come up with the correct answer just yet. "I'm only 18, I'm too young to be thinking about having children," I could feel his shoulders slump, "not yet anyway." I tried to force it all out before he said anything. "But I can't go back to what we were before." Taking a breath, "I want to be yours," it was barely a whisper, and my voice quivered as I said it.