Rite of Submission - Rite 1

33: Pieces of our Past

                I felt myself wobble as I knelt there; desperately fighting off the dizzying head spin I was in. With agonizing slowness, I pulled new air into my lungs, but it felt thick and heavy, "That's not possible."

With an apologetic look, he shrugged, "I'd be inclined to agree with you, but here we are." He pushed himself back up to his feet, flexing his hand as if trying to decide something. "It wouldn't be the first thing that's gone against everything I've known to be true for my entire life." He offered me a hand to stand up.

Ignoring the offered hand, I stood up on my own. He caught my shoulders, keeping me from falling over as another dizzy spell washed over me. "I'm fine," I steadied myself and brushed his hands away. I needed more answers, but I couldn't stay in this room anymore, the air was too thick, and I was not going to be alone with him in a room with a bed right now. That just left the sitting room. I walked past him, refusing to look at him, and made my way to the arm chair so I could sit down but also not have to risk him sitting beside me.

He followed, sitting on the arm of the couch as he watched me. I couldn't bring myself look at him. I felt like seeing his face would derail my train of thought. "What do you think is happening to me?" His wolf had said he was wrong, so I'd at least be able to rule out whatever he thought was happening.

"At first I thought the wolfsbane was killing you. When we found out just how high of a concentration was in your blood I thought that it could be altering your brain chemistry, triggering traits that you shouldn't have access to without a wolf of your own. I even thought at one point that maybe your body had become dependent on having the high levels and as it burned out of your system it was having an adverse effect, like an addict going through withdrawal."

"So we at least know I'm not dying, or mutating, or an addict." I sighed, whatever was happening, at least it wasn't going to be the death of me. "When was the first time we met?"

"You and parents used to live here in the house. You were supposed to be groomed to be Luna as we grew up. I think you were 5 when you all moved out to the edge of our territory. Didn't you read the contracts while I was gone?"

I curled my arms around my knees, I hadn't, but that didn't change that we'd met long before I had memories of anything. "Why did we move so far away? I mean, why wasn't I kept close and taught how to be a Luna if we were always supposed to be a couple? Wouldn't that have made this easier for both of us?" I wanted to know why I'd been left in the dark about my fate, while everyone else seemed to have known all along.

"My mother didn't like the way Sophie and I would fight over you," he smiled to himself remembering something from our past. "We had one particular fight that triggered my fist shift and I was too young to know how to keep my wolf under control. She thought it best that you and your parents stayed on the fringe of the pack until you were old enough to be mated." Having to think of his mother must hurt, because his voice grew quiet.

"Most females find their mates between the ages of 15 and 21," I huffed annoyed.

"The second contract," he explained, "because I needed to name Sophie as Luna to keep her safe, your parents insisted that you get to finish high school and continue to be isolated from the pack so that you could have some kind of normal life." He paused, "I would've brought you back the day I was named Alpha if I could've. Sophie is the only reason I agreed to wait until after your 18th birthday."

I finally looked up at him, "Because you think that you're in love with me?"

He pushed himself off the arm of the couch and knelt on the floor to be eye level with me. "I used to believe that we were real mates," he gave me a soft little smile, "it didn't help that you used to run around here telling me that I was yours, and I would be forever. But," the smile faded away, "you never even noticed me any of the times I found a way to come see you these past few years. The more I was around you; the more I needed to be around you. It's always felt like, but it was almost unbearable to be away from you after my wolf found me."