ᴍᴜɢɢʟᴇ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇᴏʀʏ

➳ 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐲-𝐓𝐰𝐨 ~ 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐟𝐮𝐥 𝐃𝐞𝐬𝐢𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐅𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐞𝐭

This chapter is dedicated to Elle not just because she replied to my message, but because she's so sweet and supportive and I couldn't be more grateful!
starchaser77 ♥️♥️♥️

(2nd April 1978)

Dear James,

Over the past few days, I've been confronted with a series of mysteries that I have been striving to solve.
A number of them surrounding you, and perhaps us (a loosely used term) so while I won't divulge all the mysteries here, I will tell you this much.

Since we nearly kissed, I began to question if such a thing was a good idea at all? Perhaps I was scared? Perhaps I was worried? Wrong? My father talked to me when I came inside, and it made me realise something, which was only reiterated watching Dorcas and Marlene part ways.

We had talked, earlier in the year, about waiting, and deciding that perhaps one day we would be ready for each other, be the right person. However the mystery I have come to solve is that this time may never arise, and I think that perhaps we should forget the whole thing. Love, I find, does little for me, and only contributes to the pain I experience and see around me.

I'm sorry if this is not what you wanted, but I think this is right. The world still turns without love, and I intend to turn with it.

Mysteries are complex things, that sometimes have many solutions, and that is what makes them so perplexing. I wish, one day, to have solved them all.

Best wishes,
Lily (shortstop)

It had been a very long while since James had known devastation like it. Reading Lily's letter felt like having a stone fall to the very bottom of his stomach and lodge itself there, crushing him internally when nothing looked amiss from the outside.

She didn't want him. That was the gist of it. She didn't want him. And he loved her.

Every time James closed his eyes, he would still see her face, smiling at him in the fading light, the spring bringing in the return of dramatic sunsets, causing her hair to shine gold and her eyes to sparkle. He'd realised how truly he loved her, no idea when it had begun, no idea when it would fade– if it would fade. He loved her, that was the god honest truth, and she didn't want him.
Perhaps to Lily it wouldn't be so difficult, but the thought of forgetting they had ever been so close to each other– ever entertained the idea of them being together– was completely impossible.

The Head Boy dorm was bathed in silence around him and James wondered if this was how Lily had felt? So much of their lives had been experienced in silence. The comfort the day his mother died, words were no use; sadness the day she had cried to him and broken his heart slightly more. But now she was asking him to love her in silence, because it was either that or stop, and if there was one thing James had learned it was that one can hurt more than anything when they are in love, but what hurts most is the fact it's forever.