Between the Trees

Sleepless

I woke up in the middle of the night, the small bit of moonlight peaking through the window.
Shit, I forgot to let my sister know I'm here.
Reid was sound asleep beneath me, snoring softly as his arms rested around me.
I tried to move out of his arms as gently as possible, eventually slipping out from the bed.
I quietly walked out into the kitchen where my phone was, seeing I had 5 messages and 2 missed calls from Cara.
I had told her I would let her know about when I got there and how things were going so she knew I was ok.
I got a bit distracted
I dialed her number, hearing her sleepy voice
"Mila?"
I explained how sorry I was, and how bed I felt for leaving her wondering if I was ok again.
She was already on edge with me going down here and I made it so much worse.
I think we were both too tired to argue, and after a few minutes of talking and explaining I'm perfectly fine we said goodnight.
I stood on the balcony for a few minutes, enjoying the night sky before heading back to bed.
I slowly walked back into the bedroom, trying not to make any noise. I heard Reid start to mumble incoherent words in his sleep, wondering what he's dreaming about.
I walk over, sliding into bed as his mumbling turned to pleas.
"No-please I can't do this. I told him not to" he said softly.
He stared to shift in his sleep, and I started to worry about him. I've never seen him like this before.
I try and stroke his chest for him to settle back down but he only got more frantic.
He was practically yelling and thrashing when I finally tried to stop him.
I got on top of him, holding his face with both my hands.
"Reid, baby wake up. Come on, it's just a nightmare. Wake up, I'm here.
After trying to coax him awake, I grab his shoulders, shaking him.
"Reid! Wake up" I beg
His eyes finally snap open, but his hand lurches for my throat, throwing me off him as he swings his body over mine.
His hand clenched down on my neck,
"WHO DO YOU-"
I let out a cracked whimper as he completely closes off my airway.
He stops speaking, his eyes adjusting and recognizing me.
He quickly realizes I can't breathe, releasing my throat as I gasp for air.
His eyes are wide and his mouth open, looking over me like he doesn't know what to do.
I don't know what to say, I'm not sure if I should try and speak or touch him right now.
"Fuck, did I hurt you?" He says softly
His hands hover over me, afraid to even touch me.
"I'm alright, I'm so sorry Reid" I whisper
He cups my cheek lightly,
"You're sorry? What the fuck Bambi I don't know how you're looking at me right now, I could have killed you." He says weakly.
He gets off me, walking out of the bedroom. I stand up, following behind him.
I place my hand on his shoulder, stopping him from walking away.
"Reid, it's ok-"
He turns back to me, too ashamed to even look me in the eyes.
"You were scared of me Bambi. I hurt you."
My eyes softened as I wrapped my arms around his neck.
"It took me off guard. I know you would never try and hurt me Reid. I trust you" I tell him
He shakes his head,
"How the hell can you say you trust me when I was just suffocating you 10 minutes ago."
I let go of his neck and stumbled back. His arms immediately went out around me to steady me, like I knew they would.
"That's why. Because I know that you would do everything in your power to keep me safe. Tell me I'm wrong Reid." I say
He finally meets my eyes, and I can see so much guilt and shame going through his mind.
His finger comes below my chin, lifting my head up as he observed the red marks of his fingerprints forming on my throat.
I walks away from me, cursing to himself.
He leans onto the counter, his head falling into his hands as he whispers over and over again about how sorry he is and how he fucked up.
I wrap my arms around him, leaning into his back.
"It's ok. I'm perfectly fine Reid, stop." I tell him
He turns to face me, holding my jaw to look up at him.
"Bambi why the fuck are you the one comforting me right now. Why the hell aren't you terrified, running out that door?"
I shake my head,
"You would never hurt me. I know that. I feel safe with you." I explain
His eyebrows furrow in confusion.
"Why would you feel safe after that? Bambi, I've killed people. You should be fucking scared of me. Terrified."
"But I'm not" I tell him truthfully.
He mumbles to himself, walking in circles around the kitchen.
"Bambi, go back to bed." He tells me.
"Are you coming with?" I ask him
"No."
I try and protest,
"But I-"
"Fucking do what I say Mila." He says harshly
I sigh, making my way back to the bedroom and getting under the comforter.
Is he going to come sleep?
I can hear his voice through the walls, cursing himself over and over as my heart aches to comfort him.
I jump slightly as I hear the sound of glass shattering, knowing I shouldn't go out. I stay in bed, worrying and hoping he's alright.
I'll be pissed if he does something stupid.
There's no way I could fall asleep knowing what he's feeling right now.
I know he's beating himself up so much because he thinks he's scared me, or hurt me. But honestly, I don't think he could do anything that could scare me away from him at this point.
I just lie awake, hoping he'll forgive himself and come back to me.