dead poets society oneshots

tell me that you're still mine

tw: mentions of suicide

Todd hadn't felt this anxious in months. Anxious in a, not being able to sit still, fiddling with everything in reach and distracting himself with nothing really working, way.
Neil was cheating on him. He was having an affair. Todd knew it or he was sure of it and it had been going on for weeks now. Since a while, Neil had been acting distant and he'd spent more time at work but get mad when asked ahout it and Todd knew what that ment.
It was silly really, he should've known something like that would happen, someone like Neil couldn't be happy with someone like him for more then four years, it was just impossible. Neil was perfect and he was fun and he was out-going and he made sweet surprises and Todd was just Todd. How could that be enough?

However, no matter how god damm much he loved Neil he couldn't keep going on that way and he couldn't stay if he made Neil unhappy. He needed to confront Neil, who was once again late because of, how he claimed, work.

Todd was walking around the appartment, when his boyfriend finally got home, in a mood as grey as the rainy sky. Neil hadn't been like that in years.
Once he was back, he immediately noticed Todd's anxiety like he could smell it.

"What?" he asked and it hurt in a whole different way. Just a few weeks ago, Neil would've been sweet and kind and worried and he would've hugged Todd and made him tea and now all he got was 'what' . There was no point in denying anymore, in convincing himself that everything was just in his head, he knew Neil had an affair and he didn't love Todd anymore and everything was so so fucking bad and he would lose Neil and he'd be alone for the rest of his days and his life would be miserable again because everything was miserable without the sunshine that was Neil Perry.

"I know you're cheating on me." Todd just blurted out and Neil's face dropped.

"Excuse me?!" he shouted out, eyes wide, what made Todd flinch a little.

"I know theres someone else." he breathed, trying to hold back the tears, "You- you spend so much time at work and your moody and you rarly ever talk to me let alone kiss me. I know what it means, Neil, I'm not stupid." Tiny rivers of tears were making their way down Todd's cheeks now if he wanted it or not. It didn't matter anyway, it wasn't like Neil cared anymore, did he?
Well, even if he did he surly didn't show it. He just stood there, mouth open slightly and eyebrows drawn together, not replying.
Todd just went back to pacing through the room nervously.

"I mean, I get it, sure. I'm not- I'm not enough. I know we couldn't last but you could've just-"

"Wait a fucking second Todd." Neil crossed his arms infront of his chest, clearly angry now, "If you 'knew' we wouldn't last why did you fucking stay anyway! I'm so goddam stupid!" He pressed his palms against his face, a single tear falling down from his lashes now as well. Todd stopped mid walk, as Neil went on shouting, "If you're too much of a fucking coward to break up with me you should've just said so! Don't start accusing me of- of cheating on you! But don't you worry Todd!" He let out a chuckle that didn't at all sound like Neil, "I'm gonna take that baggage off of you! I'm breaking up with you."

"Neil. Neil, stop please. I didn't- I don't-" Todd cried quietly, but it didn't do anything. Neil started walking over to the bedroom, cursing under his breath and packing a bag as Todd tried to get him to stay. Now wasn't the time to care about his pride or something, he could feel Neil slipping trough his fingers like water, he was losing the only person who had ever loved him and he had loved. He didn't even know when their whole relationship had gone south like this and he'd give everything to go back to where they had been just a few weeks ago. It was like their whole relationship just didn't get enough effort for a while, like it was a flower that died slowly and cruelly because it wasn't waterd regularly. Todd was aware he couldn't just put all the blame on Neil as he had just watched it happen and didn't go to just grab the water himself. But he did now. He would drown him in the water if he could, if that ment their love could blossom up again.