throwing rocks at your window // Topper Thornton

twelve

I'm too sad, lonely

"Sienna? Are you okay?"

I tried to open my eyes but they were so dry they burned and everything was blurry. I rubbed my eyes with the palms of my hands and blinked furiously as the shadow in my doorway took shape.

I rubbed my temples as my head throbbed and the face in front of me came into focus, "John B?"

John B kneeled down next to me and placed a hand to my forehead. His eyes searched my face wildly, concern painted on his face, "Are you okay? The front door was wide open and you were laying here all pale and it didn't look like you were breathing and I tried waking you up for like 15 minutes."

I held my arms out to the side and stretched my back as I let out a big yawn, "You don't even wanna know."

John B grabbed my hands and pulled me to my feet. "I looked around and everything looks fine. I thought someone broke in so I grabbed this," he gestured to a crowbar that leaned against the wall, "but all I found was you in here."

I rolled my eyes and then hung my head, "Yeah, I think I forgot to close the door last night. I was really fucked up."

John B picked up the crowbar and moved it from hand to hand, "Do you wanna talk about it?"

I pushed past him and plopped down on my bed, covering my face with the crook of my arm, "Like I said, you don't even wanna know."

John B stood in the doorway, fidgeting with the crowbar, unsure if he should stay or go.

I felt bile rise in my throat as the weight of last night made a home in my chest, "Why are you even here?"

John B glanced down the hallway and then back at me, "Your parents pay me to come do yard work, take care of the boat, water the plants..."

"My parents never tell me a damn thing," my words were laced with a laugh and nothing felt real.

John B rubbed the back of his neck with his hand and slowly started backing out of the room, "Well I guess I'll go get started..."

I sat up and pointed at him, "Hey! Wanna make some extra money?"

John B stopped and squinted his eyes, "How?"

"I'm kind of avoiding Topper right now and he thinks I'm staying at the motel on the Cut. Can you go there and get all my shit and check me out?" I gave him and awkward, wide smile. I knew my request was crazy and I expected him to say no.

He sat the crowbar down and sat next to me on the bed, "Why are you avoiding Topper? I thought you guys were like, perfect and in love."

A loud laugh escaped my throat despite how hard I tried to choke it down, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's not funny but I can't be the one to tell you."

John B furrowed his brows, "Tell me what?"

I shook my head, my smile falling, "Nothing. Will you please just go for me? I can't risk seeing him."

John B shook his head, "I don't wanna get involved."

"Please?" My bottom lip puffed out and I dragged the word out a little too long.