throwing rocks at your window // Topper Thornton

fourteen

there's no happy ending

I woke up with my head on Topper's chest and my legs tangled up with his. His arm was firmly wrapped around my waist, holding me tightly against him. I stared up at him and traced the features of his face with my eyes as he slept. I bit my lip as I remembered what his lips felt like on mine. I wanted him.

I placed my hand on his cheek and tilted his head towards mine. My heart began to race as his eyes fluttered open. He gave me a lazy smile and pulled me in for a kiss. His kiss was slow and steady but I wanted hot and heavy.

My fingers tangled in his hair as I pulled him into me. He grabbed my waist and rolled onto his back, pulling me on top of him.

Topper pulled away and kissed me on the cheek, "Thank you for such a good wake up."

I placed a few quick kisses on his neck and ground myself against him.

"Hey, hey, hey," Topper cupped my face in his hands and forced me to look at him, "it doesn't just always have to be sex. I just wanna hangout with you."

Every muscle in my body tensed. He was rejecting me.

"Oh, yeah totally. Let me just shower and then we can go do something," I gave him a weak smile before I slid off of him and padded to the bathroom. Every ounce of emotion flew from my body. It was the only way that I could keep from falling apart. The only way I could push the rejection away and act like it didn't bother me.

I didn't bother to let the water heat up before I stepped in. The droplets stung my skin and numbed every inch of me. The outside matched the inside. Cold, empty, void of all feeling. I shook my head, the sound of water hitting the wall cleared my thoughts. As soon as I had Rafe everything would be okay, I'd feel like myself again.

The fabric of the towel felt rough against my skin but I liked the rawness that it left behind. It made me feel grounded, like I was alive and this wasn't some dream.

I slipped into my closet and quickly closed the door behind me. I was suddenly self conscious of my body and I didn't want him to see me no matter how many times he had before. "So what do you wanna do?" My voice called out through the door.

"Beach? Lunch?" He sounded bored, like it was the last thing he wanted to be doing.

I picked out a bright blue bikini and began to secure the top, "Both?"

Topper breathed a sigh of relief, "I like that plan."

I grabbed a distressed band tee tshirt dress and slipped it over my head. Why did he sound relieved? One second it didn't seem like he even wanted to be near me and the next he was thrilled by the thought of spending extra time with me.

I emerged from the closet with a backpack in my hand and began filling it with towels and sunscreen and other supplies we'd need, "Do you still have your swimsuit?"

Topper gestured to his now clothed bottom half and flashed a smile. I grabbed my phone from the nightstand and made my way to the kitchen, not bothering to check if Topper was following behind.

I grabbed a couple waters and Gatorades from the fridge and added them to the full backpack. Just as I was about to sling it over my shoulder I felt it being taken from my grasp.