throwing rocks at your window // Topper Thornton

seventeen

uncertainty

My eyes scanned over his body. He wore an old tank top that was stained with sweat and an old pair of gym shorts.

"I'm sorry I was late. I lost track of time at the gym."

Anger and sadness battled in my stomach. Topper would've been here half an hour early. No, he would've picked me up.

I gave him a tight lipped smile, unsure of what to say. He was the one in control of the situation. He was the one that invited him here. He had to start the conversation. I was powerless.

Rafe cleared his throat, "How are you? I feel like we haven't talked in awhile."

"Yeah, more than a year," my own words shocked me to my core. They spilled out of me so easily but I didn't even know that I was holding on to that. If I took every one of his actions to heart we would've stopped being friends years ago. I knew to just let it all roll off my back so why was I angry?

Rafe gave me a look, "We've lived together all year?"

"And how many times did we hangout? How many times did we talk?" My voice was strong and clear and I was surprised by my boldness.

Rafe took a step toward me and reached out his hand, "Sienna, please."

I took a step back and crossed my arms, "Why did you ask me to come here? Just tell me you don't want me and never did so I can move on with my life."

I watched as the cocky exterior Rafe kept up cracked and started to fall apart. His face dropped and I swore I could see tears well up in his eyes, "Sienna, that's not what- just listen to me, okay?"

I stared just beyond his head, my face void of any emotion and my body stiff.

He took a step forward and wrapped his hands around my arms just above my elbows. He tried to catch my gaze, "I know that I haven't always been the best friend. I've ditched you and I've changed my mind so many times and I'm really sorry for that."

I rolled my eyes and tried to break from his grasp but he tightened his grip.

He stopped down a little so he didn't tower over me as much, "Look I know I've been an asshole. I've started something up with you and then changed my mind a lot of times. I was just scared. I know that when we start a relationship I can't mess it up and that was a lot of pressure on me."

A laugh tore through my throat, "Oh yeah? Too much pressure?"

Rafe's eyes were soft and I could tell he was genuine, "Once we start there's no stopping, there's no messing up. You are my future and the person that I'm gonna marry, you always have been and I'm sorry I didn't do a good enough job of showing you that."

I locked eyes with him, trying to convey they pain I'd been through, "Rafe, you never even made me think I had a chance, let alone let me know that you knew we would end up together. There was a different girl every night."

A stray tear slipped down his cheek, "I just knew I couldn't ever cheat on you. I wanted to get my wild years out of me before we started dating. Because once we started dating that meant we were basically married. I was just trying to do the right thing. I wanted you to know I was sure, that there was no doubt in my mind. I didn't ever want you to think that you held me back or didn't give me a chance to party and be wild."