throwing rocks at your window // Topper Thornton

twenty-three

hard truth, can't swallow

After a couple days of sulking, I finally talked Rafe into going home. I needed time to myself, time to think. I couldn't keep pretending to be with Rafe, pretending I didn't know the truth. I was tired of picking up his pieces and being his distraction from reality.

Every time I tried to get him to talk or brought up therapy he'd immediately try to initiate sex and then get mad when I turned him down.

I couldn't even stomach the thought of his hands on my body.

I was curled up against my pillows, staring at Topper's contact. I wanted to call him but I was afraid of the response I would get.

What if he was over me? What if he's already got a new girl? What if he's still hooked on Sarah? What if he never even liked me and it was all in my head?

"Fuck it," I clicked 'FaceTime' and held my breath as it started to ring.

"Hey! It's been awhile, what's up?"

A small smile played on my lips, he answered after two rings.

I wiped under my eyes, trying to rid the evidence of any tears that had fallen, "I really need to talk to you. Can you come over?"

I watched Topper stand and make his way to the door, "Yeah, I'll leave right now."

He dropped the phone to his side and I don't think he knew I could hear him, "Leah, you're gonna have to go I have to leave."

I watched as a girl moved past him and placed a kiss on his cheek, "Call me?"

I felt any hope that I had crumble and turn to dust all around me. I sniffled, biting back tears, "You know what? It's actually fine you don't have to come. I figured it out on my own."

Topper held the phone back up so I could see his face fully, "What? No. I want to come."

I watched as his eyes scanned the screen, taking in my swollen, 'you've obviously been crying,' eyes and messy hair.

I shook my head, "Really, I'm good. I probably just need to be by myself anyway."

Topper's face fell and his expression was serious, "You need to be with me."

My heart did a somersault and I felt giddy, "What?"

I watched him try to fight back a smile, "I'll be there in 10."

I sat on my windowsill, eyes on the drive way, waiting to see Topper's car pull up. I sucked in a breath every time I heard a car approach and then let it out slowly as I watched them all pass.

A smile spread across my face and then fell as I watched a car pull into the driveway. The wrong car.

I raced downstairs and caught Rafe before he even made it to the door, "I thought you were going to talk to your dad tonight?"

Rafe wrapped me into a hug and smiled down at me, "I missed you too much. I'd rather spend the night with you."

I wriggled out of his grasp and stepped back, crossing my arms, "I have plans."

Rafe raised an eyebrow but the sound of Topper's car cut him off before he could say anything.

Topper climbed out of his car and stood between Rafe and I with his back to Rafe. The air was tense and every hair on Topper's body stood on edge. Topper gestured towards Rafe and his gaze bore into me, "what's going on here?"

I reached out to Topper, "No, this isn't what you think. I didn't ask him to be here."

Topper stepped back, creating more space between us.

Rafe tried to step past Topper, "I don't have to be invited. I'm her boyfriend. What are you doing here?"

Topper blocked Rafe and stared past my shoulder, "He's still your boyfriend?"

My heart rate picked up and my face was hot. My mind was racing and I tried to stay afloat but I was drowning.

Rafe placed his palms flat against Topper's chest and shoved, "Of course I'm still her boyfriend."

I crossed my arms and shook my head, fat tears starting to fall from my lashes, "No."

Topper stepped in front of me protectively and Rafe's body turned rigid.

"What?" Their voices broke the silence in unison.

"No, you're not," I took a step back, terrified of Rafe's reaction. He had a tendency to get violent, especially when he was upset. How could I have ever wanted to be with him? Was I that brainwashed?

I watched Topper soften, relief spilling from his expression. I wanted to fall into his arms and sink into his soul. I wanted to kiss him, for real, with nothing and nobody holding us back. I wanted to feel his hands all over my body without guilt or fear of rejection.

I wanted to get rid of the just friends safety net.

Rafe shook his head and walked backwards until he made it to the driver side door of his car, "If I get in the car, we're done. No more second chances. No more back and forth. You'll be dead to me."

I felt a thousand pounds lift off of my chest, "Wow. I'm not even surprised that you think I've been getting the second chances."

Rafe slammed the car door and reversed out of the driveway too fast, almost crashing into a car going the opposite way.

I turned to Topper and he gave me a small smile as he moved towards me. He wrapped me into a tight hug my hands hung onto his shirt in tight fists.

I waited for the tears to come, but they didn't.

Just waves of relief.

I tilted my head to look up at him and searched his blue eyes for some answer, some signal that this was happening. All I could hear was my heartbeat thrumming in my ears, making my head spin and my toes go numb.

Was his heart racing too?

It felt like time stood still and all that mattered was him and I in this moment.

He stared down at me and I stared up at him, our noses centimeters from touching. My hands began to snake around his neck and I stood on my tip-toes, closing the space between us. And then he was catching my wrists in his hands and leaning away from my lips and I was confused.

Topper took a step back, hands in his pockets, and tilted his head towards my front door, "Come on. We need to talk."