I'm Just The Drummer | Lashton

Chapter 32: Stay

This song is for Luke. And I want to apologize for this chapter. I've never cried so much before.

After the concert was over, I literally ran off the stage as fast as I could. I needed to get back to the hotel and confine myself. That's all I needed to do, that's all I wanted to do. I wanted to get away from these people, the so-called fans, everything. I just wanted to delete myself as easily as I can delete a tweet.

But before I could get changed into something comfortable and get into the van that shuttled us back to the hotel, the dressing room door was pushed open and in walked a sweaty Michael and a sweaty Calum.

"You're lucky that I wasn't naked," I said simply.

"What's going on with you?" Michael asked, his face filled with concern. "That certainly wasn't the Ashton Irwin we know out there tonight."

"Yes it was," I muttered.

"I beg to differ. Are you okay? I was serious when I asked you that tonight. I didn't expect you to talk about whatever's happening in front of an arena full of people, but I was serious about talking to you if something was on your mind," Calum told me.

I know that both of them wanted me to talk about Luke. They didn't know about the fight with Luke, but I knew that they figured that's why I was upset and that he was what was bothering me. The best thing that I could do is probably talk about it with them, but I didn't want to. I would just annoy them and they would get sick of me talking about my problems when they had their own stresses to worry about. They didn't need to be weighed down with mine.

"Ash? Come on, talk to us," Michael pleaded. "We don't want you to be upset. We want happy Ashton back."

"I'm fine, really," I said, avoiding eye contact with either of them. They knew it was a lie. Ever since the incident in the Dublin hotel, they've known that whenever I say that, it's a complete and udder lie.

"No, you're not. Ashton, you need to talk to us. We're here for you. Don't think that we don't want to listen because we do. That's why we're best friends. We're here to listen to each other, no matter how big or little the issue is," Calum told me.

He's been there for me, he's listened. Both him and Michael have been. But there's a point when one starts to feel like they're annoying, like nobody really cares that much anymore because it had became a routine to always lay your problems on that person. There's a line and I feel like I have crossed it.

"Ashton, please. We're not going to be able to sleep at night if you don't tell us what's on your mind," Michael begged. "We love you, Ash, no matter what it is. You're our brother and we're always here for you."

That's when I broke.

That's when I told them all about the fight, how Luke told me that I should've jumped (which I highly agree with), every word that was spoken. They listened and comforted me. Michael got a bit testy about Luke, which I expected, but Calum just listened, just being there when I needed him most. Like always.

I've never let people see me cry like this before. I mean, other than Luke, nobody has seen me completely vulnerable like I am now and I'm trusting them fully not to harass me about it. I knew they wouldn't, but I did hope they wouldn't bring it up after we left this room.

"We need to talk to him. What he said, that's not right. You don't tell someone in your state that they should have committed. Ashton, you know that we're all thankful that you didn't, right?" Calum rambled, trying to suppress his anger towards Luke.

"It shows your strength that you didn't commit. Don't listen to Luke; he's upset and doesn't know what he's saying," Michael said.

"Do you want Michael and I to talk to him? He owes you an apology and respect," Calum asked.