I'm Just The Drummer | Lashton

Chapter 16: Doubts

The look on Niall's face wasn't giving me any hint of whether or not he was going to keep quiet about the whole snogging thing, but I was praying to God he would. I mean, he's Niall! The boy didn't have an evil bone in his body! He couldn't tell everyone this secret just to spite us. As far as I know, he likes both Luke and I. That's the impression I got anyway.

"Um, well, I don't have a problem with you two...dating. I just am surprised?" he squeaked.

"You have to keep this a secret, Niall. Ashton's having a difficult time with this and if you let it slip, you could drive the poor thing into depression," Luke pleaded with the apprehensive blonde, glancing at me every so often.

"Do you know how big of secret that is? That's not like the stupid little secrets kindergartners tell each other; this is like the Miley Stewart/Hannah Montana secret. That's a huge weight your putting on me," Niall spoke, the most he's spoken since he's come in.

"We know. We wouldn't be asking you to do it if we didn't care, but we do," Luke continued. I began to see him fidget around, which meant he was nervous. "Please, Niall."

"Y-yeah, whatever. I'm just...I'm going to go. You can go back to...whatever you were doing," he said monotonously and then walked out of the dressing room quickly.

I looked at Luke, feeling like Niall now viewed me as a disappointment, which I wouldn't blame him for. I was so disgusted in myself; if I could think of a stronger word for it, I would.

"Ash, he's going to keep it to himself, I just know," he quickly reassured me. "You know Niall; he wouldn't hurt the people he loves. Hell, he wouldn't hurt anybody."

"How do you know?" I squeaked.

He gave me a disbelieved expression. "You've known Niall for two years. Has he done anything to intentionally hurt someone? Has he done anything to intentionally hurt you?"

I shook my head, but I just didn't know anymore. Luke could try and tell me that Niall would keep quiet all he wants, but I just have doubts about everything lately. Luke entwined our hands and he helped me up off the couch.

"Let's go back out to the auditorium. I have a feeling we're going to be leaving soon," he said, pulling his pants up and straightening out his misbuttoned shirt.

Luke was talking to me the entire way back up to the auditorium, but I was barely listening to him. All that coursed through my mind was if Niall had ran and told Michael and Calum that their two best friends were gay. My luck, he had.

Luke pushed open the large doors that led into the auditorium, the three boys up on the stage. Calum and Michael were goofing off and Niall was just sitting there as he awkwardly watched them with Theo on his lap, forcing a laugh once in a while. When the giant doors slammed shut, all three of their heads turned to us. Niall quickly diverted his gaze, his awkwardness and uncertainty very visible, but the other two were oblivious to his actions.

"Where were you two at? We thought you got kidnapped by a murderer," Michael said.

"We went exploring and got lost looking for the toilets," Luke lied smoothly. I glanced up at Niall, who wasn't going to say anything about the lie.

"I suppose I better get Theo back to Greg. They probably think that I am holding him hostage," Niall said, quickly changing the subject.

"Okay. Do you want to go eat something after you drop him off? I'm craving breakfast for lunch," Calum wondered.

"Um, I actually have a meeting with management and the boys, so I better get ready for that," Niall said awkwardly as he glanced over at us. Whether what he said was true, I would never know. But I did know that he didn't want to be in the same vicinity as us.

----

Niall had dropped us off at the hotel rather quickly, which left Mikey and Calum wondering why he was acting so weird all of a sudden, which meant that Niall had kept his mouth shut...as far as we knew. Calum continued to bother us about getting breakfast for lunch, so Luke took initiative and ordered pancakes for all of us through room service.

Luke insisted that I hang out with them in Cal and Mikey's room so it didn't look like something happened at the ampitheater. I was just laying on the bed as the other three played some Xbox game. They were too involved in the game to even care if I was there, so Luke was probably implying that he didn't want me to go and slice up my body, so I needed to stay by his side.

I hadn't touched my 3-high stack of pancakes since Luke placed them in front of me. The looks of it made me want to hurl right there, but I thought it was best if I just left it sit so no one would worry about if I was sick. The smell of them and the maple syrup was overwhelming as well, making my stomach do flips like an Olympic gymnast.

"Ash? Are you okay?" Michael asked, his voice concerned.

"Yeah, I'm just not that hungry," I said. Luke snapped his head over to me.

"Can I have those then?" Mikey wondered, a playful smile on his face.

"No," Luke interrupted as I nodded. "Ashton, you haven't eaten for damn near two days. You need to get food in your stomach before you get sick."

"Luke, I'm not feeling that well, so I'm not hungry," I told him. "Go ahead, Mikey."

I handed him the plate of pancakes as Luke looked at me with a sad expression. I diverted my gaze from him, not thinking about how heartbroken the look on his face was. I laid my head back down and continued staring at the wall until my eyelids got heavy and then shut.

I was rudely woken up when I felt a pillow slam against my head. I put my hand over my head, looking up to see Luke standing above me with the hurtful pillow in his hands. He didn't look happy with me; he looked like Lucifer decided to make a nighttime appearance.

"Ashton, what the hell?" he snapped.

I looked up at him, confused to why he was mad at me. "I think I should be the one asking what the hell. You were the one who woke me up during a nice sleep."

"Shut up; you were only out for ten minutes," he argued.

"Whatever. What do you want?" I asked.

"I want to know why you haven't eaten for the past two days. Surely, the excuse that you aren't hungry is a lie," he pointed out.

Fuck.

"Well, it isn't," I lied.

"Bullshit," he retorted. Within an instant, his expression turned soft. "Don't do this to yourself, Ash."

"Do what?!" I asked, pretending I was completely oblivious to his accusations. I thought it was pretty convincing.

"You're starving yourself. You don't need to do that," he said, sitting down on the empty spot next to me. "How long?"

I got quiet, not really wanting to talk about this with him right now. But by the look on his face, I knew I was going to give in eventually. I brought my eyes up to look at Luke, who looked as of he was about to cry.

"Please, Ashton, don't do this to yourself anymore," he whispered. His eyes welled with tears. "Please, just stop doing these things to yourself."

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Quick update!! I went to the writing festival I entered this story in and I have so many new plans and am so motivated to write this story!!!

All the love. -B