I'm Just The Drummer | Lashton

Chapter 1: Internal War

Sometimes, it's unfair to be the drummer.

Actually, every time you aren't performing, it sucks ass.

You watch the other boys, who play guitars, get the girls and watch the fans suck after them. And when you, the drummer, try to get in on the action because you're part of the bloody band too, the girls always ask you a) who you are or b) get out of the picture. It hurts. Deep.

All I have ever wanted was to be liked as much as the other three. But no, that's not going to happen because for one, I can't sing. And I'm not a guitarist/bassist.

I'm just the drummer.

As close as I am with Luke, Mikey, and Cal, they have no idea that I'm battling these thoughts, this depression everyday. I simply hide it from them because I don't want their pity. I don't want them preaching to the fans that I'm just as important to 5 Seconds of Summer as they are. Because I'm really not. We were just a "garage" band and I wasn't the assigned unknown drummer like Josh Devine is for One Direction.

Fans know my name. They know I'm Ashton Irwin. But the thing is, they don't care about the drummer. Drummers don't do anything except give the song a simple beat. I've tried to make myself more than just a drummer by being funny and shit in Keeks, interviews, YouTube videos. But they didn't seem to work anyway because I'm still not as liked as the others.

As of right now, I'm sitting, scrolling through my Twitter, reading all the lovely tweets from my supposed fans. I always believed in the saying "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" up until 5 Seconds of Summer started to get recognized and all on YouTube. That saying is such a lie.

@Ashton5SOS when will u leave 5sos??

@Ashton5SOS ur so ugly. Nd u sing like shit.

@Ashton5SOS ur only inthe band bc the others were desperate.

These girls are so vicious.

The front door opened and I booked it to my room. I didn't want to give those three any suspicions about what was going on with me. As I said before: I don'twant their sympathy. I'm one of those people who doesn't want anyone to know if they're feeling anything but happy. I'm the person who's a professional at hiding their feelings by putting on a happy face.

I heard Calum sing something, probably joking with the other two boys. His voice was beautiful and he knows it. We know it. Everyoneknows it. That's why he gets vocal parts. Because he's an amazing singer. Which he deserves; it's a talent that can't be hidden.

I heard Luke's voice coming closer to my closed door, saying how he was wondering why I wasn't talking to them, making me pull the cheetah print covers tighter over my head. I wasn't in the mood to see anyone. I wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone. The depressed feeling I have is going to run its course so I can get back to my somewhat normal self.

"Ash-" Luke started, but then he stopped, seeing that I was 'sleeping'. "Ashton?"

I wanted so badly to answer him, to tell him what was going on with me. That this depression was what was making me antisocial, nothing they did. But I didn't want everyone treating me different, like I was some fragile piece of glass.

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My eyes flipped open, seeing that the bedroom was completely dark. I didn't think I'd fall asleep that long because I wasn't that tired when I had originally crawled in this bed. There wasn't any voices coming from the living room. The boys probably went out again, just partying this time. It didn't particularly bother me that they didn't wake me to go along; I must have really needed that nap.