I'm Just The Drummer | Lashton

Chapter 19: Take Me

(Unedited)

Narrator:

Luke hurried up to Calum and Michael's hotel room, knowing that those two were antsy as all Hell. He was, unfortunately, the one who had to go up to their room and get their chargers because he was the one who lost No Nose Goes. He shoved the keycard into the slot, waiting for the light to blink green. As he went into the messy room, he wondered where Ashton was. He was worried about him; he seemed really sad and quiet this morning and said he just wanted to be left alone. When Luke checked his Instagram and Twitter earlier, there wasn't any posts or anything. He didn't expect there to be, but there was always that shimmer of hope.

He saw a neatly folded piece of notebook paper on the telly remote, which was on top of the telly itself. Luke found that a bit odd, but figured that it was probably a letter that the maids had delivered from a fan, so he just shrugged it off. Quickly, he went over to the nightstand that separated Calum and Michael's beds, grabbing Cal's green charger and Mikey's yellow one. As he turned around, he tripped over something and fell onto Mikey's unmade bed.

"Pick up your fucking shoes, Michael," Luke grumbled to himself, giving the shoe a good kick across the room and then a realization came to him.

The maids haven't been in here yet.

He got up from the bed and went over to the telly, grabbing the folded piece of paper. On top, only three of the boys' names were written neatly across it. Luke immediately started shaking and hastily unfolded the note, hoping it wasn't what he thought it was. As he scanned over it, he instantly started to cry.

It was Ashton's suicide note.

His boyfriend, his best friend, his band mate, was going to kill himself, if he hasn't already, and there might not be anything that Luke could do about it. Luke's heart started to race and he didn't know what to do. He had no idea where Ashton could be. There's no chance of him being in their room still, but Luke didn't stop himself from checking.

He hurried over to the door that conjoined the two rooms and yanked it open, his eyes darting around the room. He saw Ashton perched on top of the window, looking like he was about to jump.

"Ashton, stop!" Luke yelled. Ashton looked back at him with teary eyes, terror filling his face.

"W-what do y-you want?" Ashton spat shakily, not wanting Luke to be here. He wanted to be able to follow through with this suicide attempt.

"Ashton, get down," Luke croaked, trying to keep himself calm. "P-please."

"Why should I? Why do I need to stay alive if I don't have anything or anyone to live for?" Ashton said, trying to swallow his fear.

A strong and cold gust of wind came through the window, making both of the boys rather chilled. Ashton's hair blew into his eyes, which irritated him, but he knew if he flicked it away, he was going to fall. He wanted to, but he wanted to fall at his own will, not by getting his hair out of his eyes.

"You have me, Ashton," Luke said, his voice cracking. "Don't jump. For me, please."

Luke was too scared that Ashton was just going to jump and he wanted to ease him out of that terrible decision, so he took slow steps towards the terrified boy. Ashton just looked at Luke, his brain telling him to just leap, but his body wouldn't move.

"G-get away from m-me," Ashton stammered.

Luke stayed quiet and kept inching towards him. Ashton started to back away from him, his shoes giving off small squeaks as he backed up. He kept looking at Luke, silently challenging him to stop moving so he would too. As if reading his mind, Luke stopped an arms length away from Ashton, tears freely running down his cheeks.

"I'm g-going to do i-it, so if y-you want to w-watch, then f-fine," Ashton told Luke.

He took a deep breath, briefly closing his eyes, and then looked back at Ashton through his tears. "If you want to kill yourself, then you're going to take my arm and you're going to let me jump with you."

Ashton looked at Luke i disbelief at what he just told him. He thought he was joking, but Luke had a stone hard expression and tuck out his arm, waiting for Ashton to take it.

Technically, Luke was waiting to die. 

Judging by the hesitation from Ashton, Luke was hoping that he would think twice about jumping. Though, it also scared him that Ashton would take him up on his compromise. 

"L-Luke...you know I c-could never hurt you like that," Ashton stammered. Luke quirked his eyebrow at the lad. 

And then Ashton understood everything.

----

(Back to Ashton's POV)

After the sense of realization, I began to cry harder than I already was, my head hanging down in pure shame. Luke's arms suddenly wrapped around me and I curled into his warm chest as he pulled me back into the hotel room. He set me down on the bed and I heard the closing of the window and then felt the bed dip next to me. Instantly, I crawled onto Luke's lap, squeezing the sleeves of his sweatshirt. 

"It's going to be okay, Ashton," Luke muttered as he kissed the top of my head. 

He started to gently rock us back and forth and I held onto him tighter. It was my first attempt at suicide and I had failed. I had failed because of Luke Hemmings. 

I was still trying to make up my mind if that was a good thing or not.

----

When I woke up, Luke's arms weren't around me and I was alone in the room, which made my heart sink to the floor. I knew he would leave.

I should've just fell.

Surprising me, the door conjoining the rooms opened and Michel walked in, quickly coming over to me. The red-haired boy wrapped his arms around me tightly and I heard him sniffling as he silently cried. I tried to pull away from him, but he just squeezed me tighter in his death grip.

"I'm so happy you're alive, Ashton. So fucking happy. Don't you ever try that shit again," Mikey said, his words muffled by my shoulder. "Why didn't you tell anyone you were feeling like this? You know we would've helped you." 

I didn't say anything and Michael didn't pressure me to. It was a question that didn't need an answer. I just sat in his tight hug, wondering if he meant what he just said. 

"Can you make me a promise, Ash?" he asked, his voice hollow. He broke out of our hug and put his hands firmly on my shoulders, his puffy green eyes intensely looking into mine. "Can you promise to never do that again?" 

The tone of his voice made him sound like he was practically begging me to promise him. I wanted so badly to, but I knew I would end up breaking my promise to him. I didn't want to do that. 

"Can you please answer me, Ashton? Can you promise me you won't try that again?" he repeated, his voice shaking and cracking as tears began to flood his flushed cheeks.

"No."

----

I hate this story so much. But at the same time, I love it. 

Sorry if this is too sad or it's shit, but I'm not in a very happy go-lucky mood, so....

All the love. -B

P.S. This chapter is dedicated to Melody, @illiterateirwin because she has been the Luke to my Ashton. :)