Beautiful Days

Chapter 53 -Home?-

(Esme's POV)

Driving yet again... We were already 19 hours in the car and had only reached half of the distance, being in Nebraska. We had stopped less often now without Carlie and Haven and I had had no motivation to eat anything anyway. Carlisle drove with high speed over the highway as soon as it dawned and we made it remarkably faster on the way back than on our drive to Forks.

We hadn't talked much as Carlisle drove and I sat folded up on the seat and watched the hundreds of headlights flying by us. Automatically I looked behind my seat to the now empty back seats now and then and had to keep the sobs away every time...

It was worse to be encased in a narrow space than to have distractions for the sadness to entrap one. I tried, I really did, but everything reminded me of our two beautiful children. I couldn't look at myself or Carlisle and as I looked around I saw that we still had a pacifier of Haven lying in the front and I took it into my hands. I could envision him sucking on it while he slept peacefully in his cradle at home, the pacifier being still so big that it made up nearly half his face. I shifted to the side, out of Carlisle's sight, and cradled the pacifier near my heart as I closed my eyes and silent tears flowed down my face.

I didn't pay attention to where we were driving, but I did look up as I noticed that Carlisle drove off the highway to a restaurant on the way. I closed my eyes and snuggled into the car seat. I didn't want to go outside, I just wanted to stay in my personal hell...

Carlisle stopped the car next to the entrance of the restaurant though, nearly no other car was on the parking lot, but there was just a family with an infant coming out of the restaurant, the woman cradling the small baby. I cried even more and closed my eyes again. I wouldn't leave this car!

(Carlisle's POV)

I couldn't take Esme's devastated state anymore after 19 hours of silence, of not one second of eye contact or one touch. The sweet kisses and familiar hugs had stopped as soon as we began driving away from Los Angeles and since then her state rather worsened.

It had always been that way, Esme was a very open person, easily content with simple gestures of love or affection, talking easily with strangers as well as friends and always there for everyone else; the problem though was exactly that... She could be there for everyone else, but closed up as soon as she felt sad or angry. It had taken me years to get her to be at least open with me in such situation and since then she came often to me for comfort, but not always. There were always times where she rather wanted to be alone; mostly she then stayed in her room, staring into blank space for hours.

I mostly accepted it heavy-heartedly, but this time I couldn't watch nor accept her feeling more miserable by the second. I didn't feel any better without our children and the heavy burden of maybe destroying our entire family by taking this route, but I needed her to remain on this path. I'd had enough of her misery as she started to cry silently just mere inches next to me and I took the next exit without another thought.

Luckily there was a restaurant just off the road and I drove us there before I stopped the car and sat next to her motionless form for a few seconds. She had looked up for a second to look where we were, but closed her eyes again as she saw the family walking out of the restaurant. I sighed silently and got out of the car.

She didn't even look in my direction as I closed the door and walked over to her side. I was very determined to convince her some way or the other to get out of her misery by getting out of the car and so I opened her car door, letting the cold night air seep into the car and she involuntarily shivered.

"Esme," I started. She cuddled deeper into the car seat and didn't respond.

"Esme," I said again with emphasis.