Reconcile [Herophine]

Chapter 30

She's such an actresses :- Kiwi by Harry Styles.

Josephine Langford

Mum was gone.
I'm an orphan now.
I lost my dad then my mum and slowly I'm losing myself.
Sometimes I think about the time when he left me, how devastated I was but was nothing compared to how I feel now.
Even if we're in a same room, his gaze would never land on me. He never let his eyes gaze at me.
The one who couldn't keep his eyes off me is now not even lending a single glance.
And it's all happening because of that day.
After that I didn't saw him much.
It shouldn't have happened.
Though it did.
I kissed him.
I kissed him and told him that it was just flow in the moment and meant nothing.
It broke him.
I saw it in his eyes.
His heart breaking in front of me.
I'm front of my eyes.
I was too selfish to console him.
So I just ran off.

Flashback

"Jo! Please forgive me baby. Please.."
He look at me with grievance in his eyes.
Tears streaming down his face.
"No. Look I forgive you but
I can't comeback to you.
I can't just leave My life behind.
Leave Ansel behind.
I just can't. Okay?"

"Jo. Please don't do this to me.
I can't live without you.
I love you please.
Please give me another chance."
He pathetically begged.

I don't know how to feel.
There's this part in me which is happy that he's grieving on me but other part of me is sad that I can't be with him.

"I'm sorry. I can't."
I let out a deep breath.
I reluctantly look up at his wicked face.
Feeling guilty that I'm the cause of all this tears on this beautiful face.

But for god sake give me a break!
I'm already going through a lot.

My eye land on his lips.
As they quiver, every time a tear slip off his eyes.
My heart began to pound as I comprehend my next step.
It will ruin everything but just last time.
I lean in, my eyes focus on lips.

They look so full and juicy.
I close my eyes when they were just few centimetre away.
And Finally.
After so long.
His lips were on mine.
My inner self was set on fire.

The kiss ended as fast as it started.
"Jo-
His eyes were lit up a little, only for me to fill them with grieve again.
"No. It was a mistake.
This shouldn't have happened."
I shake my head.
"No. No. No. This shouldn't have happened. I have a fiancé. This is wrong. I'm sorry."

My breath heaven as I realised what I just did.
I look up in his eyes.
I could see he was lost.
I could see his heart breaking into two.
All because of me.

With a heavy heart.
I just turn and left without another word.
Regretting everything other than the kiss.

End Flashback.

It's been 2 weeks since the funeral and that incident.
It shouldn't have happened.
What I did was wrong.
I had no right to do such thing.
I'm no one in his life anymore and he's no one in my life rather then a ex-boyfriend.

Strange isn't?
I was dying to get his attention off me.
I use to roam around ignoring him.
But
Now that he's ignoring me, not giving me his attention.
I'm carving for it.
I'm dying for attention.
To feel his intense gaze on me.
To make eye contact with his mesmerising green emerald eyes.

Love is strange.
It makes you the worlds most selfless person to most selfish person.
That's what I've become.
I know I love him and he loves me.
I know he regret everything he did to me.
He regret cheating on me.
I want to forgive him but being the selfish person I've become.
I want Hero but I also don't want Ansel to leave me.
I want them both in my life.
Selfish aren't I?

I guess now Hero will leave me.
For good.
The way he's distancing himself from me.
Ignoring me every time I'm around.
Ignoring my questions towards him.
He gonna leave me and will never look back.
And it hurts.
Like a motherfucker.

I don't understand myself anymore.
I don't know what I want anymore.
I want Hero at a moment but I also want Ansel the next.
I can't have both of them to myself.
I have to let go any one.
Which I can't seem to chose.

I love Hero and Ansel loves me.
I love both of them.
I'm so confuse.
So I did the only thing I felt was right.

"Ansel!"
"Ansel!"
I yell on top of my lungs with urgency in my voice.
"An-
"What?!"
He came in view.
"What happened? Why are you screaming baby?"
A cute little frown resting on his lips.

He care for me. He have concern for me and will love me to death.
This is right.

If you're thinking I told him about the kiss then...you're wrong.
No, I haven't.
I can't.
It will break him.
I can't be responsible for two broken hearts.
Just no.

"Babe?"
I didn't realise I was staring at him. I shake off the thoughts and pat the empty place beside me on the couch.

"I wanna talk with you about something."

He slowly pad towards the couch and took the unvacanted space beside me.

"What is it, Jo?"

I took a deep breath.

This is the right decision. This is right. You need this. You need to do this.

"I wanna talk about our wedding."
I state.

His eyes widen in shock.
As if he never expected me to bring this up.

"Wedding?"
"Hmmm.."
I frown.
"Why? You don't wanna marry me anymore?"

"What?!
No!
Off course!
I want to marry you!
I want you to be my wife.
It's just, you just lost your mum.
I thought you'd need some time to yourself."
He nervously chuckle, gazing at his lap.

"She wouldn't wanna see me like this. She would wanna see me happy.
That's what I'm doing.
Trying to be happy."

I gave him a small smile whilst his eyes was shinning with love and pride in it.

Finally happy that I took his words to heart and decided to stop grieving.

"I'm so happy!
So? When are we getting married?
Everything will be as you want it to be!"

The enthusiasm in his voice warms my heart and his words are just cherry on top.

How did I get so lucky?

I blush as I tried to spill my reply to him.
"I was thinking...perhaps.....next weekend...?"
I mutter out.
Waiting for his reaction.
When I didn't get one.
I frown and look up at him.

His eyes wide and mouth wide open.

Shit! I scared him!

"I..mean...if-if it's al-alright with you.
I want us to get married next weekend. Eh-which is 7 days from now."

"Alright?!
Off course it's alright!
Oh my God!
We've got so much to do! You need a dress!
I need a tuxedo!
Oh My gosh!
I'm so fucking nervous and happy at the same time!"

I laugh at his outburst.
"Ansel. Baby.
Calm down.
We'll manage everything.
For my dress and your tuxedo we'll go tomorrow? Yea?"

"Oh my god! I'm so excited!"
He squeal like a girl fangirling in front of her ideal.

Little did I know it's all happening because of my selfish heart. Who don't want to grieve or moan in pain anymore.

A/N

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