Tommy's Trans Teen Survival. // FTM // TommyInnit Angst. // DSMP

Part 1 - Testosterone.

~ Tommy POV ~

I woke up, and sat up avoiding eye contact with the mirror until I had my binder on. It was almost time for my testosterone shot, tomorrow. After I put my binder on I slipped on my Sunday Club jumper and a pair of jeans that were hung up in my wardrobe. I've been on T for almost 2 years now, and I was due a haircut. The first time I got my hair cut the way I wanted made me feel so.. euphoric? Valid. Either way, I was truly happy. I went with my dad to his barber, he explained the situation to the barber, who was so kind and understanding. He cut it just the way I wanted it and even used my pronouns correctly without having to be corrected once. Sure throughout the years, he may have slipped up once or twice throughout the like, 5-6 years? But that was fine, I didn't blame him.

I had to finish getting ready to go out with Wilbur and Phil today. We were recording a video for my channel today, and were meeting at Brighton train station soon. I made sure I'd be comfortable in my binder and made my way to my mother and fathers room. "Mummm? Can I borrow your make up, please?" She looked at me and nodded, smiling. My mother has been one of the most accepting people I know. I walked and sat down at her make up desk. I picked up some things and added some features to my face to look more.. masculine. It's what I did everyday. "I don't even know why you ask Toms." She smiles at me, "I do it to be polite mother, after all, it is yours." I finish and smile at the mirror with pride. "How do I look?" I turn to face her, being met with a big smile. "You're so handsome Toms, and I couldn't be more proud of you." Today was a particular good day in terms of dysphoria. "Thank you. Anyway, I'm gonna head out to meet Wilbur and Phil, bye mum, love you!" I say leaving the room, "Bye Tommy! Love you too!" I grab my wallet and phone, walking downstairs, smiling at Russ who was making conversation with my dad. They say their goodbyes and we head out the door, getting into his car, driving to the train station.

We get on the train, talking about the vlog, when a few kids walk and smile at us, "Are you TommyInnit?" I smile at them and nod, "Can we get a picture, please?" I nod once again and take a picture with them, waving at them as they leave going back to my conversation with Russ. Once the train stops, we get off walking to wait for Wilbur and Phil. After the old man and my brother arrive, I smile up at them. Seeing Wilbur always made me feel a little.. odd. He was so manly, and I'd unconsciously been mirroring the way he dresses, acts and even cuts his hair. I don't know why, probably to feel more like a real man. Something I could only hope I'd be. Wilbur wrapped his arm around me as we walked and I strode confidently down to Brighton beach, Phil walked beside Russ talking with him. 

We arrive at our destination, and Russ walks to me. I wasn't aware it was a water course we were doing. I looked at Russ who shrugged, "You don't have to do this Tommy, you know that, right?" I nod, "Russ, I can't do this. I'm not.. out to either of them. Only you. That was difficult enough for me." I looked at Russ, subconsciously folding my arms over my binded chest. Russ turns to Wilbur and Phil, "Tommy's feeling a little ill, we're gonna go grab something to eat, meaning, we can't do the swimming thing today, sorry guys." I am thankful for Russ' quick thinking, I offer them an apologetic smile, "Ahh, nah, it's fine don't worry about it Toms." Wilbur says smiling at me, Phil nods in agreement. "We could scrap a vlog and just go out as canonical family? And Russ" I chuckle and nod, as Russ and I walk to find somewhere to eat. "What do you wanna eat? We can get a meal deal from Tesco? We could go to a café?" I shrug walking beside him. "You decide." Russ looks at me, I can feel his eyes burning my ear or something, "You alright? You seemed really happy this morning?" I shrug, not really knowing how I can explain it to him. "Well, I woke up this morning, not really feeling dysphoric as such, but seeing Wilbur, and how much of a real man he is compared to me made me realise how much I'll never be able to.. feel like a real man." I fold my arms, looking at him "It's almost as if I'm trying to convince myself I'm something I'm not.. I dunno.", "You are a real man Tommy, you were just born in the wrong body. I know I don't know what it feels like, but I'm still here too listen whenever you need it." I nod and thank him. 

~ A/N ~ 

Hii, I was feeling bad about myself with things, so I decided to try write them into a new story :)

If I get anything wrong about T and transitioning, please feel free to correct me, I'm still doing research, but right now I'm going off of current information.

My favourite Song At The Moment Is Up There As Well

And Bad Pick Up Line Of The Day ;D

Are you a Minecraft lever? . . . . 

. . . . Cause you make my piston extend. ;)