Mosaicked Feelings

III: Accompanying Loneliness

"Oh my Gosh, you two broke up?" I heard Iris feign a laugh but failing terribly, as she dramatically pressed her fingers over her chest, while her hazel eyes glowed. "I'm so sorry to hear that though... But I'm kind of not?" She chirped loudly, not looking very sorry apparently. That was probably the most conversation she had made with me even though she was practically supposed to be my best friend. "Do you get what I mean?"

I took a hesitant moment to answer, unsure of what to say. "I don't,"

"Oh come on, it's so obvious. The height difference... You are so tall for a girl, it's quite embarrassing actually. No offence though, you know you two just didn't look very... cute together..." She struggled to phrase her words in the nicest way possible,  plastering a sympathetic smile. I blinked at her, trying to let her words sink in. "He deserves so much better really." She sighed, sipping on her blueberry soda.

Not having much to say, I shifted uncomfortably on the wooden bench, wrapping my arms around myself, feeling different and unpleased about my own body, something I was never secure of in the first place. It was always, I was too big of a girl and never fit the stereotypical feminine looks. My hopes for my relationship faltered as I looked back at her, and at her frail figure, there was no way I was lovable considering how unattractive I was. I only wanted to feel better by venting out to someone, but Iris didn't seem to understand my point of view. A sharp hurting feeling emerged in my chest from fighting back tears. I sniffled quietly, gulping down the hard bile stuck in my throat. "Why did you forward my texts about him to him?" 

"What?" She excused herself with a scowl. 

"You leaked our private conversations to him."

"Michelle, don't be so dramatic first." She sighed in exasperation, throwing the plastic cup away. "Second, I had no choice. He literally begged me to see my phone, and I couldn't refuse him of course. He's always on my phone... That boy... He actually is kind of obsessed with me," Iris whispered loudly, flipping her long straight hair behind, and then eyed my body before adding. "Maybe... Because I wasn't monstrously tall. It was obvious in those weird explicit pictures... I was very weirded out actually,"

With one last incredulous glance at me, she then pranced away in her heels. I was at a loss for words, I always was, the stinging tears pricking my eyes again. She was probably right. I was way out of his league and should've known before. So the next thing I knew, I stood right in front of the mirror, looking back at myself with utter disgust, holding a sharp tool in my hand. 

"The class is dismissed." The words intervened between my unstopping train of thoughts, as our computer teacher filed out, fifteen minutes in advance.

That was how the day wore off to an end, simultaneously when me and Marilyn exited our programming class, which left us exhausted, for different reasons for both of us. We packed our bags hurriedly, making our way out of the class while chatting about the upcoming tests and assignments. Marilyn had an emergency at home, with her mum feeling unwell so she couldn't stick around for long so I bid her a quick goodbye before she left. 

I adjusted my bag, slowly making my way towards the already crowded lift, trying hard to be unseen and camouflage in between the group of students. 

"Hey wait!" A masculine voice called up, and I pretended I wasn't the target of whoever the source was. I heard approaching steps as I decided to take the long flight of stairs instead of the fully occupied lift. Catching up to me, I saw from the corner of my eyes, a heavily breathing Edward who stopped just by me, to get my attention. "You owed me a favour," He reminded, addressing me.

"I- I can't really talk to you right now..." I shakily replied.

'What do you mean? Why not?"

"Someone would see us, and that wouldn't end well," I voiced my paranoia as I descended the stairs in a hurry.