Mosaicked Feelings

XXVIII: Where Are You?

Mine and Edward's relationship had become a back-and-forth pendulum, not staying put to one side -- all because what he pretended to be was different from what he was -- and how I pretended to be around him was different from what I thought.

After uttering my farewells to Edward, and trying my best to not meet his intriguing gaze, which he didn't seem to reciprocate, so I just awkwardly left, the loose chain dangling lazily as I moved away.

I walked away, looking past my shoulder every now and then to make sure neither Edward nor his deary lover, were close by. Whatever scene was about to be created in those girls' group, it all seemed quite well elaborated and planned by him, to play the hero right after victimising me.

I was relieved to be out of it sooner rather than later while Edward somehow escorted me away from the scene, but I wasn't going to be okay all of a sudden, with whatever he seemed to be plotting against me. I knew his intentions better than that.

Finally reaching the far end of the library, I took a seat placing my bag on the table. The absence of him made me a little brave and I pulled out my phone, stalking his contact -- right after I had made sure I was out of his eye's reach -- and blocked his contacts again from everywhere. Rejecting and declining in person was not so easy for me, so I preferred to wait before I could gather my thoughts and take action accordingly.

For the first time in my life, I wanted to be alone, as I unseeingly looked around the semi-crowded room. I didn't have the stressful urge of needing friends or people to console and reassure me if I had myself by my side. People were burdensome, demanding and hard to manage. Now that I thought about it, I knew I was just better off alone, and Hayden's advice stuck with me well. My new outlook on friend-making had shifted an entire degree from my perspective of association. I felt like the less I was in someone's story, the lesser the chances of me being their antagonist and probably the other way around as well.

Sighing, and sniffing back my now-dried traces of tears, I slumped against the chair. Sneaking out my cigarettes, I lighted one beneath the table with the new lighter I had bought a while back, and inhaled the calming scent of nicotine, numbing all of my unwanted anxious senses.

Minutes later, once I felt a little better, I fished out my phone from my pocket. I checked to find a couple of texts from Hayden, asking me how I was and if I needed something, he would help me. Sighing deeply, I chose to ignore the texts, wanting to focus on my breathing and the alignment of thoughts that were crashing down on me. Camouflaging myself with books, I pretended to get some of my work done whilst trying to concentrate on the concepts.

What seemed like a quarter of minutes later, my phone pinged, revealing an unknown number on the screen.

Where are you?

The words itself snapped my anxiety again, as fast as it had gone. With paranoid eyes, I began glancing everywhere to look for an intruder or point out anyone who seemed to be causing this, but everyone either seemed too occupied -- or perhaps, too into my lonely presence whilst disguising themselves into busied people.

I just couldn't take it anymore and so I hurriedly gathered my things and stomped out of the room. I had decided to ditch all my classes today just to stay away from Edward as much as possible, and so far this game of hide and not seek was going great. I tapped the block option for the new numbered contact as well and silenced my phone to feel at ease.

The day finally ticked to an end, and I decided to make my way out, after spending some alone time in a secluded place that Edward once used to take me. Before I could squeeze my way out of the place, my eyes caught a glimpse of Hannah and her squad of girls standing right before the gate, while Hannah spoke animatedly to one, about something oddly specific. Blending myself into the swarm of bustling students, I moved a little closer and my eyes caught a glimpse of something shiny in her hand.