Mosaicked Feelings

XV: Language Of Feelings

There were points in my life that I wanted to stop in time. Not the kind of stop where you'd want to give up midway between a chapter and set the book in a far corner, not wanting to read anymore. But the kind where I'd want to read and reread a particular part just to not move on, and savour the moment. 

This was one of those points.

And that somewhere happened to be a cosy bookstore that came into view among the quiet side of the city.

Edward brought the car to a slow halt directly in front of a glass-covered store, brightly lit from the inside, with the shop label that hung lazily just above the doors that read, bookstore. And the place was occupied and invaded with heaps and shelves of books. 

Wide-eyed, I took in the surroundings, watching large shelves and racks of all sorts of books, new and old, and I could almost inhale the old paper scent of them from here.

"I've been wanting to take you here for a while now," Edward added, a happy expression plastering his face after seeing mine.

"How do you know me so well?" I half-laughed and half-stated. 

Although I should've had it coming since that was so Edward-like, nonetheless I looked across at him with the most dramatic of expressions. Unable to contain my excitement, I stomped out of the car and past the wooden doors. The place was too extravagant for a place as simple as a bookstore. It was intricately designed from the exterior, the glass panels stood by wooden frames, and from inside the place looked quite welcoming and warm.

I slowly tracked Edward as he led me inside, scanning and binging at the surroundings, feeling anxious but excited at the same time. The brownish theme of the interior of the place reflected the impression of a classical library. I felt Edward's hand clasp mine a little tighter as if trying to reassure me, but it only sent a wave of electricity inside my skin, littering it with more goosebumps.

"You stay here, I'll be back in a few." Edward's fingers slowly left mine and he trudged in front of a wooden counter, that stood right in the corner beside a group of more wooden tables, piled with unsorted books. He exchanged some familiar glances with a guy older than us and went towards him to speak. I awkwardly stood there beside a table of books, tapping lightly on the floor, a habit Hayden had rubbed on me whenever he was tense. I embraced myself in my arms, trying to stay calm.

Tucking my hands in my pockets to fish out my phone, I realised I had left it in his car, and I groaned at myself in grumpiness.

My mind wandered back to Edward and the way he seemed to be doing these things without any expectation of reciprocation. If I was being honest with myself, I knew now that I was dangerously reliant on him, and couldn't imagine my survival in his absence. He had proved he was worth my trust and everything else, and when I had him, I didn't feel like I needed anyone else. This whatever it was between us, was stronger than anything and not something I had anticipated, nor I had wanted to. But I wouldn't do a thing to change it now. And that was the main reason why I had distanced myself from anyone else when I found solace and peace in him. At the end of the day, Edward replaced my disturbing remembrances with newer ones, except that they were better this time. I never thought there could be anything that could substitute Hayden's memories. I always wondered how the ending was supposed to be better when it was the end after all. But with Edward, it all felt possible.

Hayden never ceased to remind me how no guy in his right mind would ever like me or date me, because I just wasn't that type. But Edward was someone different. For him to even like someone like me, all seemed like a made-up hoax. I just hoped, wished, and prayed that all this wasn't a trap in disguise or a dream that would instantly vanish if I poked myself in the arm.