Days of Revelations (Night of Secrets #2)

Chapter 42 - Spectrums

Adeline

I park outside Jax's house ten minutes to midnight, but he doesn't get out. He's still staring out the window like he's been doing the entire drive back. Even when I cut the engine, he stays in the car, propping his head up.

I play with my keys, thinking back to the park. I can still feel his tears falling on my shoulder as he held me. Or I held him. Or we held each other. Neither of us said anything that entire time. We were just comforting each other. But from how silent Jax has been, I don't think I was too successful at it.

"Thanks for the ride," Jax finally says, taking his seatbelt off.

I nod. "No problem."

Jax places a hand on the door handle, but he doesn't get out. He stares at the dashboard. In the faint light of the street lamps, I see him glance at me. He takes a deep breath before turning to me, resting his elbow on the center console. There's enough light that I can see his eyes are still a little red. There's a desperation in his voice when he speaks.

"I love you," he says, his gaze piercing into me. "I want you to know that."

I nod. "I know that."

He nods. "Good. I wish you knew that meant you really are amazing inside and out." He takes my hand, pressing a kiss to my fingers. "You deserve the world. And I don't know how many times I need to say that for you to get it. And I don't think you understand how much it hurts that you think I can't love you because you don't get it."

I shake my head. "It's not that I think you can't love me—"

"It's just that you won't let me." I freeze, clutching my keys so the teeth cut into my bandage. Jax kisses my fingers again. "I want to love you. And I do love you. But if you don't let me..." He shakes his head, his eyes filling with tears. "I just want to love you, Adeline."

I shift to face him, reaching out to run my hand through his hair. "Jax—"

"No." He pulls away. "Don't. I don't want you to care about anyone right now. Not even me. You need a moment to care about yourself. You deserve it." He shakes his head. "You deserve a lot of things, and I'm sorry I can't give them to you."

Before I can say anything, Jax kisses me. It's not hurried or rough or lustful like back at the park. It's slow and gentle and full of love. But all at the same time, it has an urgency to it like he wants me to know just how much he loves me and how much he wants to love me. Like he's begging me to let him love me.

Just as quickly as it began, the kiss ends, and Jax leaves, shutting the passenger door behind him. I watch him walk around my car and to the front door of his house. Even after it shuts behind him, I don't drive home. Not for a few minutes. Not until the lingering feelings—emotional and physical—are gone. Even then, I have trouble getting back home as my mind flashes to Jax. How upset he looked. How his voice cracked. And of course, what he said.

That's gonna stay with me for a while.

I turn down my street, and I squint. Is that...? When I park in front of my house, I realize it is who I think it is. I cut the engine and grab my backpack from the backseat before getting out. I play with my keys as I approach Cyril.

"What are you doing here?" I ask.

He pushes himself off his car, smiling at me. "Just wanted to talk to you again."

I blink. "About what?"

He gives me a grim smile. "I didn't want to say anything back at the diner because Jax was there and looked like he wanted to murder me, but..." Cyril takes a step toward me, and I have to lock out my legs to stop myself from taking a step back. "I wanted to let you know I really appreciate you."