STARRY NIGHT

22

But that later didn't come......

I slept in Gyuri's bed, waiting for her to come home already. I still waited for her. And I am still waiting for her. I will never get tired because she promised that she'll come home.

"Jisun-ah....." I looked towards the door and saw Hayoung-unnie and Saerom-unnie. The two of them had the same sympathetic look on their faces.

I just continued to lie down, hugging Gyuri's dog plushy close to my chest. The unnies approached me.

"Jiwon and Seoyeon are here. They're asking you to go home with them," Saerom-unnie says with worry in her voice.

"No, unnie. I'm not gonna go. What if Gyuri comes back today? She'll probably find me first," I reasoned out. Tears are about to escape my eyes but I restrained myself. I shouldn't cry because she'll be back..... right?

I heard sniffling from Hayoung-unnie, and Saerom-unnie comforted her.

"Jisun-ah..... please.... you need to accept the truth," Saerom-unnie once again spoke while she hushed Hayoung-unnie from crying.

I looked at them and said, "What truth, unnie? The only truth I know is the promise that Gyuri made. She told me she'll come back so I'm holding onto that."

It was me, convincing myself. But what can I do? I trust Gyuri. So much. And I am more than willing to wait even if it takes a lifetime.

"Jisun, you need to accept that she's.... gone. Gyuri... she's not coming back." Hayoung-unnie's voice cracked in every word she uttered.

Once again, I felt my heart break, with crashing sounds that can be heard, and even tiny pieces shattering. I shook my head vigorously, as the tears I didn't want to escape from my eyes finally did fall.

I cried. Hard and loud. But just loud enough to make Jiwon and Seoyeon rush over to me.

"Jissen! Stop crying..." my bestfriend came and hugged me tight. I hugged her back and continued to cry on her shouders. Seoyeon rubbed my back with making soft shush sounds, wanting to calm me down.

All I heard were sobs, filling all the sides of Gyuri's room.

The place was still the same as it was when she stepped out of the room. Nothing changed. It was as if she was just here yesterday. I refuse to leave this place but I knew I should.

Jiwon pulled away after several minutes. She looked at me, her eyes glassy as well, and wiped away the tears that continued flowing through my cheeks before she spoke, "Let's go home, Jissen."

I don't want to! I wanted to say.... but I found myself nodding slowly as my tears still poured down like a waterfall.

Where are you Gyuri? You said you'll be back... You said you're not gonna leave me....

The two of them stayed with me the entire time. They didn't speak, but continued to hush me softly and pat my back. Jiwon would run her fingers through my hair occasionally, in hopes to calm me down.

"How long did I stay there?" I finally asked.

The two of them looked at each other, probably deciding who should answer me. In the end, it was Seoyeon who responded, "Almost two months, Jissen."

Wow. Well, I didn't know since I never left Gyuri's room since the day she left. And that's how long she had been gone.

Recalling her face and her antics, it made me want to bawl my eyes out again. So I did. I cried again and the two of them came to calm me down again.

I couldn't help it. I couldn't accept it. Sometimes I wanted to blame her parents. Maybe if they didn't force her to go with them, then she would still be here with me. But most of the time, I'd blame myself. If only I went with her, I can still hold her close to me right now.

"It's okay, Jisun-ah. If crying is the only way to let all your pain be washed away, then cry. But, after that.... you should start healing yourself. You should move on. I'm sure Gyuri-unnie would not want to see you cry. She likes the bubbly and talkative and brave Jisun after all," Jiwon says as she wraps me in a hug again. It made me cry even harder.

Yes, if Gyuri was here, she won't like seeing me in this state. But she isn't here and she's the reason why I'm crying, hurting, breaking.

"Then if she doesn't want to see me like this, she should just come back," I say, even if it was totally impossible.

"But, Jissen.... she... it's not gonna happen anymore," I knew she wanted to add something to her response but chose not to.

A month has passed again and I am still waiting for her. I'd still cry most of the time but I feel tired. I feel like my tearducts aren't producing any more tears. I just feel drained and lifeless. I just wanted Gyuri. She's the one who brings color and joy to my life. She brings out the best in me. She made me feel loved and important. She's everything. And now that she's gone, I don't know anymore. It feels like I lost a compass. I lost light. I lost my moon. The stars don't shine as bright as they are now that she's not here.

That day, when she left, her parents asked her to go with them. They wanted her to continue her studies at California and stay there for good since her father was permanently assigned to work there as the General of a known Defense System. Gyuri of course, refused to go. She didn't want to leave everything behind. She didn't want to leave her friends. She didn't want to leave me. I remember her calling me that day, saying what her parents planned for her, how she declined to go, how she will come back to me. I heard her father on the other line say that she'll never see me again if she refused to go with them. I heard her cry hard that time. I heard how she didn't want to leave me, but that was the condition made by her father. She goes with them and then she'll come back to me. If not, she will not see me ever again. As I was on the phone, I pleaded to her father, begging him to just let Gyuri stay, to not take her away. But, he refused. He says that Gyuri will have a nice life at the US and graduate at a nice university. Until then, if she finally graduates, I'll let you two be, that was his word.

Gyuri kept on insisting that she doesn't want to go, after that, the call was ended. I didn't hear their conversation next. Gyuri's mom contacted Hayoung-unnie a couple of minutes after, saying that they're taking Gyuri with them. Of course, unnie could not say anything, it was so sudden after all. But it was not the worst part. I tried calling Gyuri for how many times but she wasn't responding. Her phone kept saying that it was out of reach. I thought that maybe, her father confiscated her phone.

But around 10pm, the unnies who were watching the television saw a news. A plane bound to California went out of control in mid-air and crashed just as it was about to land on the airport. Not wanting to believe the news, they called Gyuri's parents' numbers but it was out of reach.

There was only one flight for California that day.

I didn't leave Gyuri's room that same day, hoping that she'll be back by night. But once the door opened, it was the unnies, both of them crying and rushing to me.

Weirded out, I asked them what was wrong and why they are crying. The words that came out of Hayoung-unnie's mouth broke not just my world, but my entire being.

"G-Gyuri..... the p-plane they were on..... c-crashed.... s-she's...... gone," she cried as she hugged me tight. "Jisun, Gyuri is gone."