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Chapter Five - Neil

There wasn't much for department stores here.

I wasn't used to huge multi-level malls with parking garages, but I definitely was expecting a lot more than what was here.

Why the fuck did I move here. 

Oh yeah.

I happened to come across, and I say that very loosely because quite literally every road lead to this place, a store. It was a grocery, machine maintenance, feed, livestock, plant, home decor, clothing store. It was like the most manly shampoo where one bottle could be used for everything. The seven-in-one store. Buy your food where you buy your goat's food, it makes you bond more and they're found in the same isle. Good luck and don't get the calf milk replacer formula confused with a human infant's powdered milk on the same shelf.

That would be very, very bad.

I'm just happy it was cooler inside than it was outside, I am not acclimated to all this humidity yet. My clothes still stick to me even after running two dehumidifiers in my house at all times and I can't ever seem to pin point where that stale smell is coming from.

I'd like to go out more and explore here. I'd probably visit the beach, but how weird would that be if a grown ass man went alone to a family friendly gathering area? I would basically be waiting for someone to ask me which kid I was setting my sights on to kidnap and take home.

That is a conversation I'm not willing to have.

I would have to find someone to accompany me but if I ask a guy at work he'd probably think I'm into him and I just don't swing that way. On the other hand, if I ask a gal from work, she'd get all these scenarios in her mind about being murdered and never heard from again.

I mean I'm making myself sound so unapproachable when really I've gotten along with everyone I've ever met. It's just been this slight... hiccup in my personality and behavior that made me do what I did.

Only now I seem to be trailed by a presence, not so much by my wife— ex wife, but something more like the embodiment of my own conscience. I've had such a great time moving and buying a house in a new part of the country, but he is so fucking negative.

When I was packing our old house up I would be wrapping the drinking glasses and I would just think fun happy things like, 'I remember when we cooked dinner together and we chose these glasses to have some wine out of, even though they were our normal dinner glasses,' then from what seemed like across the house would be,

'Remember the taste on your tongue from when you kissed her blood and tear stained cheeks? Salty and metallic. You liked it too, you sick fuck."

Yeah, I didn't really sleep that night.

Or any other night, to be honest. I've got a case of raging insomnia and I don't know if it's because I'm afraid of what I'll see or what I won't hear.

The other me is quite a new thing in my life, but sometimes it's helpful. Like when I'm busy unpacking he'll alert me to someone approaching the door, but I don't ever hear a knock or doorbell ring. I mean, I go check anyways because it feels wrong not to, like what if I did hear something and he's making me think I didn't?

I don't know, it's hard to grasp. It's really an internal battle I've never had to deal with so I'm still figuring it out.

I spot the maple syrup I've been meandering about looking for for what seems like hours, and I stare at the woman's face on the bottle.

'Neil.'

It was a harsh whisper, and I slowly lifted my head to look around to see if anybody was looking at me. I looked to my left, then slowly looked to my right. Everyone was going about their own shopping and I reluctantly looked back at the maple syrup lady. Nothing on her face was moving?