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Chapter Twelve - Neil

How awful is it to have my personal life thrusted into the eyes of all these shit eating people who don't know me?

I hated it.

They probably were all thinking about how much I missed my wife, how perfect we looked together, how happy we seemed...

Seemed being the keyword.

All I wanted was for Esther to be in my bed again, and to have the sleep like I had last night.

It was magical. Surreal, almost.

We were walking out to my truck to head back to my place.

'She hates you.'

No she doesn't, she's willingly coming with me.

'You know you'll hurt her.'

Will I?

I thought hard about it, not realizing I hadn't opened my door yet until a dainty hand rapped on my window from the inside, then a muffled sentence I could barely make out, "Get out of your head, and get in the truck."

I opened the door, and got in. What if I did hurt her? I wouldn't be able to live with myself—

'You shouldn't even be living right now.'

Shut the fuck up.

"Neil, you alright?"

It was dark out and I could just see the way the gold in her eyes caught the light of the diner.

She's so beautiful.

"What would you think if I told you I hear and see things that aren't really there?"

Esther blinked one beat, and answered the next.

"I wouldn't be surprised."

I gave her a confused look. I'm not that obvious about it, what the hell—

"Neil, honey, you gotta calm down. It's alright."

"I'm a fucking freak, Esther, I'm not normal."

"I personally think you're too normal."

What?

"What?"

She only laughed as I sat there and offered her a very blank look.

"I have seen your mannerisms and although it seemed odd at first, I've just gotten used to it. You're just a handsome, kind man, to me."

I climbed into my seat and finally closed the door.

"These aren't handsome, kind words that I hear in my head."

Esther crossed her speckled legs across each other, and leaned onto the center console, resting her chin on her palm.

"What's goin' on inside that troubled mind of yours?"

Should I tell her? What would I say? I think it might be too early for the big confession, but I want her to know what I'm dealing with. She already seems to understand some of the weird shit I do.

I sigh, start my truck, and throw it in reverse. I put my arm back around the head of her seat and turn to look behind us. But not before I get within inches of her lips, I pause.

I feel the warm breath of her surprise on my nose, and my whole body tingles.

"You don't wanna know."

•

I decided that this time we'd make a pitstop to her apartment first so that she would have the proper attire for an overnight stay.