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Chapter Fifteen -Esther

Neither Neil or I got any sleep last night.

I felt awful for him. I would wake up to hear him readjusting on the floor, talking to himself asleep or awake, and panting.

He really needed to see someone about this, it was affecting his physical health.

The sun was just beginning to rise and I found myself now wide awake. I slowly peered over the bed, and even in his sleep did Neil hold no peace.

I got up as quietly as I could, and got myself dressed. I neglected to tell him that I had work in the morning in fear that he would leave. I didn't want him to.

I braided my hair and tied my apron around my waist before kneeling down to the sleeping shell of a man.

His forehead was sweating and it felt like he was burning up when I gently placed the back of my knuckles to his neck.

Maybe I shouldn't go to work today?

No, I couldn't jeopardize my job by taking any more sick days.

I grabbed my bag, and left my apartment with Neil inside on the floor. I should probably leave him a note.

I climbed back up the stairs and opened the door and nearly jumped out of my skin. I grabbed my chest with one hand while I tried to steady myself against the railing. Neil stood tall, without any trace of surprise or care, and simply said, "You could've woken me up, you know."

I was still catching my breath, trying to hide how affected I was by how close he was to opening the door for me. Had he done that, I would have run right into him.

"What? Do you have any idea how sickly you were last night? I got up this morning and you were burnin' up!"

He just nodded his head.

"I do that sometimes. You don't gotta worry about it."

"Neil, we are going to the doctor. I can't handle any more of this."

I rushed into the dusty room again and got into more comfortable clothes. I didn't even care that he saw me in my underwear. I just wanted him healthy.

Did he even realize that he was doing this to himself?

He just stood in the doorway, looking just past me to the wall.

"Who's talking to you, Neil? Tell them to shut the hell up. You're not gonna work yourself out of this."

I grabbed his forearm and he actually came along. Hopefully he was just as done with this as I was.

I didn't even know the full extent of it. We made it to his truck and he stopped, idling me as well.

"What's wrong?"

Neil looked at where my hand was connected.

"I shot my wife dead and framed it on the boy who impregnated her."

Silence.

I was at a loss of any words.

I had a million questions. Why did he do it? Did he feel guilty? How did he get out of that? Did she deserve it?

Whoa.

Esther, his wife was a human. Don't ever make her any less than that.

We didn't move, we didn't talk. All that was between us was the sound of our breathing.

I loosened my grip slightly, and his hand grasped mine quickly.

"That is what's been going on in my head. I didn't wanna do it, Esther, but she left me no choice. I didn't want him to have her or the baby."