Don't Say You Love Me

Chapter TWENTY FIVE

Teegan

Rex is indeed in Cohen's backyard with him when I get there, but I'm not disappointed at all. I actually relax a bit as I turn into the yard and see them both sitting on camping chairs, next to each other. Cohen looks somewhat surprised to see me.

   "She made it!" Rex yells, clapping his hands together right away. "God, I just roasted and ate like seven marshmallows, waiting on you."

   "Sorry. My mom was a bit late," I say quietly, crossing the yard towards them, the sandy dirt hitting my toes.

   "He's kidding," Cohen tells me, "though he did eat a bunch of marshmallows."

   "I did. My belly hurts," Rex says and then laughs.

   "Come, sit." Cohen waves me over and points at the empty chair near him, off to his left.

   Once I'm sitting, I look at the fire and then over to the guys. Rex is stretching his arms over his head and looking at Cohen. His short blond hair is sort of messy and I can't really make out his expression.

   "Well, I was just keeping Co company until you got here," he says, now smiling at me. "I'm going to head home." He yawns and stands, then Cohen stands and gives him a half hug.

   "I have to go visit my nana tomorrow, and then I have the scrimmage. So... I'll call you at some point?" he goes on, still now talking to Cohen.

   "Yeah," Cohen answers. "Night."

   Rex looks at me and waves and then finishes, "Night."

   I watch as he disappears around the side of the house a minute later, and then I'm alone with Cohen again. I'm glad I came, but now my stomach feels like it's in knots. I've been along with him before, at the caves, and even at the hut. Why does this feel different?

   I'm not new to any of this. I've been in relationships and I've had sex. But this feels different than that, and it might be because I don't know exactly how he feels. Maybe we are just friends. Maybe we should be. But the way the air shifted when Rex left, it doesn't feel like it. It feels like this could turn into something big and scary, and, well, that freaks me out.

   "You can sit closer to me," Cohen says with a smile. "I won't bite."

   I smile at him and move into the chair that Rex was in, which is right next to him. We are quiet, me mostly just watching the fire. I know he's got his eyes on me. He always seems to. It feels like he's constantly trying to figure me out, like I'm some puzzle he needs to solve.

   "So-" I start, at the same time he says, "You want a s'mores?"

   I nod, and Cohen quickly moves to reach for the marshmallows. I watch as he pokes one through a stick and leans forward to hold it over the fire. His shoulder muscles are flexed and I find myself staring, until he starts talking again.

   "This good?" The marshmallow is perfectly cooked.

"Yeah," I say quickly. "Thanks."

   "The graham crackers and chocolate are over here," he goes on, nodding towards a bag to his left.

   Once I've made mine - squishing the marshmallow and chocolate between the crackers - I start eating it, slowly. I don't want to make a big mess on my face, which tends to happen. He makes his own and eats it faster. When I look at him again, I see he's got chocolate on his lip. My stomach flutters and I keep thinking about what it would be like to kiss him. I've only ever kissed two boys. I have no idea if this one would want to kiss me, but I am now wondering what it would feel like.

   "I'm glad you came over tonight," he says, a few minutes after we are both done. He's still got a little chocolate on his bottom lip.

   I don't say anything, so he goes on.

   "Can I confess something?" His hair is falling into his face and he shakes his head a bit, moving it back.

   I nod. "Sure."

   "I like you. I know we've only know each other for like a week, but I think you're cool. Way cooler than the other dumb girls in Avila."

   I half smile at him and then bite my bottom lip. I know he's trying to compliment me but he's not that good at it.

   "That sounded wrong. I don't think you're dumb. The other girls are dumb. Sorry. I'm... like I said, I'm a bit rusty," he goes on.

   "It's fine. I like you, too, which is kind of weird to me, I guess," I tell him and it's not even awkward that I just told this guy I barely know that I like him.

   "Weird?"

   "I was expecting to hate being here all summer. I was thinking I'd be stuck babysitting and working and it would be boring. But I like babysitting the kids, I don't hate working at the hut, and..." I try to explain.

   "And?"

   "I met you," I finish.

   "And that's a good thing?" he asks, keeping a serious look on his face.

   "Yeah."

   Now he grins and it's so sweet. He's unlike any guy I've felt like this about. My ex, Ansen, was always serious and kind of expected me to act a certain way. His family had money and I had to wear certain clothes when I went to his house. Thinking back, I don't think we would have worked out in the long run. Besides the fact that two weeks after he broke up with me, he was having sex with someone I thought was my friend.

   Cohen is funny and silly and laid back, but he's also a bit broken inside. I can tell just by the things he's told me already.

   I barely have time to react to my thoughts before he shifts his chair closer to mine and leans in so his arm is against mine. He leaves it there for a moment before running his hand over mine. I flip my hand over slowly and let him intertwine his fingers, and watch his face as he smiles again.

   "I really want to kiss you."

   His lips barely move as the words come out, but I hear him.

   "Then do it," I answer, my voice almost a whisper.

   He doesn't hesitate, and when his lips are pressed against mine, I feel my whole body get hot. I taste the chocolate, I feel the heat of his mouth. It's not a wild, fast, heavy kiss. It's sweet and careful. Cohen doesn't seem like a careful kisser, but I know he's waiting for me to let him know it's okay. I pull away, even though I don't want to, and then meet his eyes for a second. I nod slightly before leaving in again and pulling his head closer to mine, with my hand at the back of his neck.

   Now I can tell he knows I'm okay with this, so he shifts his positron and his hands come up to my face. Holding me close to him, he slides his tongue into my mouth. It's not quite reckless but it's passionate and, god, is it hot. His eyes are closed and the kiss goes on for a minute or two before he releases my face and leans back into his chair. He's a really good kisser. He kisses with intention.

   "Shit," Cohen mumbles a second later, suddenly not looking at me at all.

   I'm so confused. "What's wrong? Was that-"

   "No. God, Teegan, that was... perfect." And yet he's still looking at the fire.

   "Okay?" I'm still confused.

   Cohen sighs and it feels like he has something else to say. Something important. I wait, but then he just smiles at me and slips his hand into mine again. I like holding his hand. It's strong but soft and he rubs his thumb over the top of him, like he just can't stay completely still. I really like kissing him. Nothing else seems to matter right now anyway. If he has something else to tell me, I trust that he'll do it when he's ready. Right now, this is all we need. Right now, this is all I want.