Cohen
My phone rings, and I almost ignore it. I don't want any distractions from tonight. It's Friday night and in three days, Teegan will be gone. It doesn't make sense in my head, still. I haven't let myself process that she's leaving and we haven't even talked about what happens next. I love her. I've never loved someone like this. It happened so fast and our time together flew by. And I'm stuck moving back to San Diego in two weeks, while she's off on her new adventure to college, in New York City. The girl that I've fallen in love with is leaving, and even though I know it, I haven't accepted it.
The ringing stops and I sigh, but then it starts up again a minute later. I reach over and pull my phone off my side table, checking who it is. Teegan and I have a late dinner reservations at the Pines in an hour, where we plan to eat a meal like a normal couple, pretending everything's fine. Like we've been doing for weeks. A few days ago, she tried to talk about it. We were on the beach, after spending the day with her little sister. I could tell the conversation we need to have was about to happen, but I shook my head and stopped her.
Now we're three days from her departure and the conversation never happened.
For the last hour, we've been making out, cuddling, just being physically close. I don't want it to end. I love how Teegan's body feels against mine. I need her close because at this point it feels like she keeps my heart beating. And I'm not just going to be losing her. Rex is leaving for college, too. My house is going to be sold. I hate everything at the moment and even though I'd love to keep pretending, I can't anymore. Tonight is going to be so hard.
"It's Rex," I tell Teegan, sort of annoyed. He knows tonight was going to be special for Teegan and I. Our last Friday night together. "Hey," I answer the phone anyway, after she nods at me. I've literally never not answered my phone when Rex is calling.
"Co, what are you doing?" my best friend asks into my ear. He sounds happy, cheerful, like a very normal eighteen year old. I envy him, for a split second. He doesn't have any of the pain or guilt or anger that I have tonight.
"I'm with Teegan," I say, pushing my body up so I'm sort of propped up on my elbows. "It's our... we have a date planned."
"You're always with Teegan," he says and then laughs. I know he's just teasing but it annoys me. I told him last night that we're doing our final date night. "You two should come to the party in Santa Maria tonight. We're leaving soon."
"Rex... no. We have dinner reservations and..." We only have two more days together.
Maybe me making a dinner reservation and the fact that I plan to take her for a long walk on the beach afterwards is lame. But it's perfect for us. It's how we want to spend this night. Neither of us want to go to a party in Santa Maria and drink with random kids we'll never see again.
On Sunday, Teegan has to pack up her life here and go back home to Seattle on Monday. I can't even fathom that Seattle is her home. And New York is soon to be her new home. Tonight, I still get her to myself.
"C'mon, Co. It's the big end of summer party. You know everyone's leaving for college next week."
As soon as Rex says the words I can tell he regrets it, even through the phone. I regret it, too. He doesn't understand what's happening to me right now and that's partially my fault. Maybe I should have been more clear with him about how I feel about Teegan. About how she makes me feel like I am important and loved - even though we haven't said those words. Rex clears his throat and then he's quiet. When he laughs to break the awkward silence, it sounds forced.
"Obviously I know that, Rex," I snap, shutting my eyes.
"Right. Well, I thought I'd invite you anyway. I miss hanging out with you and... I mean... I'll only be three hours from here, but..." He lets his voice trail off. He must be able to tell that I'm tense and I don't want to talk about this.
"I know. Damnit, Rex," I curse at him under my breath before regaining my composure. "Have fun tonight."
"Alright. See ya." I can basically hear him rolling his eyes. "Talk to you tomorrow?"
"Yep," I finish and then drop my phone onto the bed beside me and grumble, as Teegan turns towards me. She tosses an arm over my stomach, my favourite thing she does. It calms me, even just a little. Knowing she's still right there beside me makes my world feel a bit less crazy.
"What's wrong?" she asks, her head laying on my chest.
"Nothing. Rex is going to a party in Santa Maria. And I don't even want to go, but I hate that he's going. How fucked up is that?"
"He's your best friend. I get it," she tells me.
"I'm losing him. I'm losing everything." My voice doesn't even sound like my own.
"You're not. You won't lose him, and you won't lose me," she tells me, now running her fingers up and down my stomach in a comforting way.
I turn back onto my side and get close to her again. She smells so good. "How am I going to get through every day without you?"
It's the first time I've really said anything like this to her and I feel naked, stripped of my walls and my barricades I've put up for all of this. I'm putting it out there now, so she knows I'm struggling. This has to be the start.
But Teegan just grins and brings her hand lower so it grazes across my waist band of my shorts. I push my hips up instinctively. She knows we have to leave soon, for dinner. But she also knows what I like. She knows how to distract me, too.
"I guess you'll have to be okay with FaceTime. And phone sex," she says and then giggles.
"You want to have phone sex?" I ask her, happy for her answer considering we have not even talked about keeping in touch when she leaves.
"I have never done it, but I'm not opposed to it," she says, still laughing.
"Good to know." I smile at her and then kiss her head. "But I'm serious. I'm going to go crazy, without you."
"You're going to be okay. You're tough."
Her hand slides over my groin and then down, further, and I moan from my throat. And I let her touch me because it makes me feel good and for a few minutes I can forget that she leaving me, for real.
STAI LEGGENDO
Don't Say You Love Me
Teen Fiction*Completed* Teegan Walters has had to spend one week each summer in a tiny beach town in California with her mom for the past ten years. This year is different. This year, she has to go for the whole summer. There's a lot of things she'd rather do t...
