Don't Say You Love Me

Chapter FIFTY ONE

Teegan

It's the first week of October and it feels like the time is flying by.

   The season is changing, which feels just right to me. I love fall. Sweaters and leggings and coffee is the best combination. I love when the leaves change and everything feels different in the air. Summer is still right there in my mind, but it's gone. Cohen's right there in my mind all the time, too.

   I like being busy. I have a whole day of classes three days a week. The other two days, I work at the library. But it's become my routine to call Cohen when I'm walking back to the dorm to when I'm already tucked into bed. Usually it's two or three times a week. I wish it was more.

   Having him back in my life - even though it's merely through video chats and phone calls - has made me feel complete again. We haven't talked about visits, yet. We haven't talked about "us", exactly. He says he loves me. I know he does. He tells me about his day and he asks about mine. My heart aches for him, so I know I still feel those things for him that I did in the summer, when we were together. I just don't know how to tell him. I don't know if committing to a long distance relationship while I'm in my first year of college is a good idea.

   "You literally light up when you talk 'bout him," Gia, my roommate tells me, one Friday evening.

   We're waiting for Kiara to get here so we can head out to a party - I have agreed to once a month parties with Kiara, who would go out every week if I let her.

   "Well... he's pretty amazing. We really clicked and, I mean, we were planning to stay together, you know, long distance..." I go on, even though we are only talking about Cohen because she asked why I was spacing out.

   I've been thinking about him a lot lately.

   "So, get back together!" Gia yells, then laughs. "Like I'm one to talk. I broke up with Keith before I left to come here. We were together for two years."

   Gia's only talked about her ex a few times with me. The first time, she was crying into her pillow, sobbing about how much she misses him. But Gia is from Georgia and Keith was staying in state for college, while Gia applied to NYU and got accepted.

   "It's not as simple as getting back together," I tell Gia, then sigh. "We're okay right now. But I left and we were in a weird place and who knows when we'll even see each other-"

   "Take a breath, girl." Gia's smiling at me, but I can feel like she's about to say something important. "I've only known you a month and I can tell you love this guy. I can feel it. All you can have to do is try."

   I take a breath, but I'm not ready yet. "Why didn't you try, then. With Keith?"

   "Keith and I weren't end game. We were together so long because it was easy, but we were already growing apart during senior year," Gia says easily. "It wasn't even that hard to leave."

   "Well... it was hard for me to leave Avila when I did," I say, without really thinking.

   "See? You and Cohen are not like Keith and me," Gia says, just as the door opens and Kiara appears.

   "Let's go bitches!" she yells, and then reaches out for my hand.

   "We're in a deep conversation here," Gia tells her, but burst out laughing.

   "Without me? God," Kiara says, pretending to be mad.

   "Teegan's going to tell Cohen she wants to get back together," Gia goes on.