Don't Say You Love Me

Chapter THIRTY NINE

Cohen

I feel like a useless piece of garbage when I wake up on the beach the next morning.

   I mean, emotionally, I'm a wreck. I saw my mom and my sister for the first time in over a month and things were going really well with the dinner with Teegan, until I freaked out. It's not my mom's fault for talking about selling the house, I know that. But she was being too pushy about it when I didn't want to talk. Now I'll have to pay to fix the wall and I'll have to deal with another conversation about everything.

   At least Teegan is wrapped under my arm, her head on my chest. It's probably like 6A.M. and she's still fast asleep. I don't even have my phone out here. We fell asleep after coming out here so I could calm down. I almost told her I love her; she told me she's leaving in two and a half weeks. Everything sucks.

   I lay there for what feels like hours until she stirs and wakes up, lifting her head off of me,  confused.

   "God, we actually stayed out here all night?"

   "We did," I tell her, my heart swelling at the sound of her sleepy voice.

   She hesitates, and then, "I didn't call my mom. I should probably call her."

   Shit. I was being selfish last night in more than one way. I made everything about me and threw a fit about my mom selling the house, when I was just overwhelmed thinking about the summer ending and Teegan leaving. Teegan stayed with me all night out here because I needed her and she didn't think about calling to tell her mom she wasn't coming home.

   "Right. Yeah," I say, but she's already sitting up and pulling out her phone.

   I watch as she presses a few buttons and then puts her phone to her ear. God, she's so beautiful. Everything about her makes me feel better, and even with sand in her hair and her shirt all wrinkled, she's the most perfect thing to me. I know the feelings are too strong. I shouldn't love someone who's leaving.

   "Hey, Mom. Yeah... sorry. I know...." Teegan begins. "I'm good, I just stayed at Cohen's... yes, I can do that. Okay... bye."

   I wait, and she gives me a smile. "I have to go hang out with the kids for a bit."

   I know I can't have Teegan all the time, but that's all I want. "Okay, yeah. I can walk you back. What time is it?"

   She looks at her phone again. "7:45A.M."

   I sigh and close my eyes for a minute. Teegan leans in and kisses my cheek, so I open my eyes and lean down to meet my mouth to hers. She's soft and warm and I just want her to tell me we will be okay, somehow. But I won't ask her to say that, because I don't want her to have to lie.

   We stand up and start walking down the sand towards her mom's house. It only takes five minutes, barely, and we get there too soon. We're at the back deck when she pulls me close and kisses me again. Her dark hair is messy and in her face so I push it back and hold her head close. I want her to kiss her forever, but she pulls away, smiling at me.

  "Teeg, I'm sorry I... you know... sorry I was so emo last night," I tell her.

   She laughs and then shakes her head. "I get it. Don't say sorry for that."

   "Call me later?" I ask, because I want to see her again tonight.

   "Obviously. What are you doing today?" she wants to know.

   "Rex said he wants to go to the drive in soon? Maybe we can do that tonight?" I ask, even though that's not what she asked.

   "Oh. That would be cool."