Better as Bones

doesn't exist - VI

Briar

Homesick for a place that doesn't exist....It pierced my organs when my parents died. They weren't even in Brina, where I was born. I've felt the long stretch of pain in my chest when I wish for something...but I've never called it homesickness. I've never really felt comfortable enough in any reality to call it home, even in my own head.

My eyes weave through the crowd. A woman shifts through it, her hands cradling a child's body. Her dark hair leaves my eyes as quick as it came.

I should go find Avalynn. Bugs in my gut flick around. They remind me of the thick of summer's cicadas. Her hands were holding up her face. She didn't want to let it shatter. Avalynn needs someone.

My feet take me back to the palace without much thought. My eyes keep low with my body as I slink past people. The door I slipped through when I was tracing Bastet back to the palace must still be open. The lock fried.

Shadows of leaves dance over the stone as the door comes into view.

"Shit," I hiss, sprinting forward. The lock is fixed. Brand new metal wrapped around the latch. My fingerprint won't work, it never worked. Fuck fuck fuck. I'm going to have to go to the main gate, aren't I?

"Fuck," I groan, dragging my body back up. I sprint back to the face of the palace. It doesn't matter if they hear me or not. Might as well go when my confidence is still up.

My feet skid as I tumble, catching myself upright with my palms. Two sets of eyes study me. I huff, righting my spine. I grin at the guards, blowing the hair out of my face.

One guard towers over me. Curls poke from beneath his helmet. He raises an eyebrow.

"Hey," I start, wiping my nose in an attempt to cover my heavy breath. "Can I see Avalynn?" The second guard, a person my height, squints at me.

"Her royal highness does not take visitors," The first guard says. I roll my eyes.

"I know her," I say, stepping forward. I don't know how I should continue. I know her, I accidentally stabbed her once!

"We all know the Princess," The first guard continues. I frown. They're never going to let me in are they? "Now leave before we make you."

The second guard jumps forward. I yelp, twisting to the side. I shake my hands as my arms come down to my sides. The smaller guard takes my wrist. They crumple, screaming. I grit my teeth, pushing back tears as pain sears through my own arm. What did Bastet do?

"What!" The first guard presses as I brush his arm. Icicles pierce my veins as he falls to the ground. I gasp, my lungs ice as tears blind me. I shake my head as my hands trace the grand doors. I crack them, slipping through.

My footsteps are barely echoes of mice as I creep through the halls. The corridors blanket with false night, murmuring voices through the walls.

Without thought, I stand in the entrance of the throne room. Avalynn stays there still, her legs folded beneath her. Her hair drapes over her shoulders, splintering as she whips her eyes to mine. They crease as she frowns, rising. I raise my hands, spreading my fingers wide. Avalynn bears her teeth in grit before she rips at her skirts. She kicks them to the side.

"What do you want?" She growls, bees stinging my flesh. I shift. Avalynn frightens me. I expected in some deep part of my mind to perish the moment I step foot in the throne room. But Avaylnn's voice keeps calamity calm and violence at ease. Her eyes and voice betray the struggling emotion in her chest, festering there in damp and dark, but her words keep steady. Never would I be able to keep the same control. Never would I be able to allow myself full reign over my emotions. Never, I think, though perhaps I don't know.

"I...I know suffering so deep it makes death forage hand. I've survived based on accidents and mistakes. I know you suffer deep too. I don't want death's eyes to turn away from a Blue-Eyed and onto you." Avalynn braces her shoulders. Her eyes flash against me. For a moment I mistake them for blue.

"You know nothing." Emotions escape in a hiss. I drop my hands.

"I do know nothing," I admit. "Howbeit please." I drop to my knees, my body working itself. My eyes close to darkness as my breathing fills my ears. "Allow me to stay."

"No," Avalynn draws. My neck snaps up, my eyes heavy as they meet her sharp gaze. My mouth opens slowly.

"But—" Avalynn whirls around. I stagger back on my knees, my hands spreading steady on the ground. Her footsteps rattle my bones.

"No. What makes you think you are even allowed in my sight? Leave before I return the gift of opened flesh to you." I trip on my feet. Avalynn's eyes dig into me. I am determined she could swallow an entire soul with her eyes. Their ghastly graying glow.

Avalynn's fist grips her skirts as she bears into me.

"I have no one," I whisper, desperation seeping into my voice. Avalynn's body moves away from me, her movements as slowed as melting ice. "And neither do you."

Avalynn lowers her shoulders in the milky light. The thrones loom over her, hands reaching out to clasps one more life.

"That is no reason for companionship," Avalynn mutters. My body empties. I nod, my fingers lacing together as I bite my lips to stop from crying out.

"Of course," I murmur. "Please, think about it." I leave then, my back to the thrones. I don't know if I am going to survive the night.