Better as Bones

waves - XIX

Bastet

Dimming glow of violet and sapphire rests on my body. The ground is dewy, the moss littered with droplets of water. The trees ruffle in the breeze. Occasionally, a snap of wood pricks my brain restless again. I bounce my leg to keep it at bay.

I debated if I should come here. My eyes caught a glimpse of the crystals and my body followed. I almost hate it.

Memories of the Grove swim in my mind. I feel like I'm swimming in deep blue. I can breathe, but I can't. My body is heavy as stones. My eyes produce the water I'm swimming in.

My eyes meet the canopy above. Leaves tuck into my vision, grasping out for my touch like children for their mother. The darkening sky slips through, dripping over the edges of the leaves making the emerald the color of seaweed.

As you can tell, I'm thinking of Della.

Not Della in particular started my spiral of thoughts, but the idea that I do not belong to a place I belong. If I would truly, then I would be ruled under Avery and I could call myself Maylean. Or perhaps Brinex. I don't really care. But the idea of being born in that cement-laid city, so muddy to life that even the stars can't penetrate it, makes my stomach churn. My throat burns with the onslaught of vomit.

It scares me that for once in my life since it was just me and Aken, I'm not enjoying feeling this pain. I usually find it entertaining or fun. I pursued it for that exact reason. I could live a life full of dangers and experience that adrenaline. I could live like I was always looking at the sky, thousands of feet in the air. But the plane I was on crashed, and now I'm forced to face the ocean I so selfishly searched for. Always taunting the waves and now the waves taunt me.

Don't get me wrong. I'm going to keep struggling in these waves. It's the only thing I know how to do.