Better as Bones

moon - XVI

Bastet

"Shit," I hiss, my knee hitting tree bark. The sun burns along the horizon, drenching me in its blinding light. I grit my teeth, reaching down to my knee. It's like bees made their home there. I pull my hand away. My fingers feel wet.

It's not much. Hopefully my wound isn't too bad. Fuck.

I grit my teeth harsher, my fist finding the tree bark that wounded me. If I didn't fucking see this stupid tree I might be okay without any wounds. I might have been able to run to wherever I am blindly running to get help. I was the one who led Quarry to his capture. I have to help him.

And all because I was so determined on finding comfort in a place that I never found comfortable. All because I wanted to live in this false reality where everything was okay and nothing was crumbling like rotting leaves around me, like an abandoned building, like my brain at this very moment.

I don't want any more consequence. I don't know how I ever did.

And shit. I led Quarry, a native Maylean, to Kyson. To KYSON. What was I thinking? I should have thought of my friend before myself. How selfish do you need to be to do that? Even unknowingly?

What do those kidnappers even want from him? Who gave them the orders? And they said before, like this is a common occurrence? Who else have they kidnapped? What are they going to do to Quarry? There has to be an endgame if there's orders. What are they? How long do I have before I can't save Quarry? God, fuck, don't think about that.

I yelp as my knees buckle, slamming me into the needles and drying leaves. I shift, hissing through my teeth as needles pierce my shaved flesh.

I sigh, breath turning rapid. My eyes burn. They burn so bad and my lungs hurt like they've been diced by a knife. I'm tired. God I'm so tired.

Shut up. I shake my head. I have to shut up. I was selfish and now Quarry is facing my consequences. I have to save him. I have no right or room to be tired. This is my fault.

What am I even going to do? How will I tell–shit. Fuck fuck fuck fuck.

"Goddammit Quarry," I hiss, tears slipping down my nose. They make everything before me a swimming sea of jasper. I have to tell Milo. I have to go find him.

What is Milo going to say? Quarry already told me he missed him. How will Milo act if he was missing Quarry just as much? What if he blames me? He should. Shut up. Don't make it about you.

I have to tell Milo.

I grip the bark, digging my fingers into the widening strips. These Maylean trees. I missed these Maylean trees.

I blink out tears as I whimper, dusting off my shaved knee. It's not too bad. The wound will take a month to heal at most, and I can see the divot in my flesh even standing up. Those useless bees.

I take a step. It doesn't burn as bad as I anticipated. Good. It'll make the trip to the Meadow easier.

I stumble, grasping out for trees whenever they can assist me. My eyes are already growing heavy. I have to make it to at least the outskirts of Brina. It might be farther but I mustn't waste time.

* * *

I make it not even an hour after the sun finally stops blinding me. I sit, half-collapsed on the ground, gasping for breath from my ragged lungs and bleary eyes. I haven't stopped crying the entire time, which makes me feel silly. I should stop so I can save my water. I'm wasting tears here.

I blink away the bleariness. I can hardly see in front of me. Where are my stars?

I sit up, snapping my eyes from one side to another. I exhale, sliding back down the tree as I see a dimly lit star next to me. Wait...only one?

I sit up again, my palm facing the cool night air. My star obeys, curling into my hand. I frown down at it, my face hurting. Why only one? Where are the rest of them?

I squeeze my eyes shut, forcing breath through my nose. I have to calm myself. I exhale again, moving my hands across my body in Moon motions.

Please. Please.

I peel open my eyes, hands shaky. Gold. I exhale, shaking as my throat turns fire. Calm down, it's only the first try. I must have done something wrong, right? Of course that's it.

I move my shaky hands again. My eyes go blurry for a moment. Like water, like the sea, like dreams of rainy mornings tinted with salt.

My warm breath brushes my lips. I have to open my eyes. I sit still. Open eyes.

Gold.

"FUCK," I yell, smashing my fists into the ground. "FUCK FUCK FUCK!" I squeeze my eyes shut, frantically moving my hands in the easy motion that Thorn showed me. My hair presses into the crevices in the bark. My scalp meets the dig of the tree. The dimming light around me glows gold.

Why are my stars still gold? Why aren't they turning blue?

This is it, I can hear the shadowy voice inside my head whisper. You've finally lost what you know you were losing. It's too late.

"I don't want to lose Moon," I whisper in a tattered voice. I sniff. My eyes are overflowing. The spring was hit and now it's all bubbling up too swift and too much. I hick, rubbing my warm cheeks.

My lungs feel heavy. My chest hurts from sobbing. It burns so much. It's too painful.

"Please?" I mumble. "Please? I don't think I can tell Thorn." I wipe my mouth, snot coating my lips. I cough, more suffocating snot filling my throat. I spit it out, gasping.

I don't think I can tell Thorn.