Better as Bones

weight of sins - XV

Briar

In my attempts to sit at the desk in my room and focus on the books of government, I end up with my head slumped. My mind can't focus. Words on the pages look submerged beneath waves as I try to decipher the text. It's all meaningless.

I don't see what good this would do for me. Avalynn plans to train me as a guard after her coronation. Why do guards need to know government? Unless, she really does plan to keep me as her advisor.

I lift my head, my fingers rubbing at my mouth. Heat bristles behind my cheeks. It's an unpleasant feeling lodged with embarrassment. Imagine, Avalynn wanting me around. I can't let it get to my head that such notions exist in someone else's. She hates me and that's a fact.

Knocks ring throughout the room.

Today we have to go view dresses. I don't know why I am being dragged along. Maybe it really is just that I am her advisor. That and nothing more. Somehow my brain wants to keep finding loopholes, ways she'll get rid of me or make sure I know I'm below her.

Avalynn opens the door to my room. Her gray eyes flicker down briefly.

"Oh, you really are studying," She says, pushing the door full to stand in it. She's dressed in a loose slip. It's black and brushes the tops of her knees. I grit my teeth as I heave myself up. Avalynn waits as I near her. My feet feel numb. "I didn't think you actually studied."

"I try too," I mumble, rubbing my face. Avalynn hums, closing my door as she leads me down the dark corridor.

"Did you not get ready this morning?" She asks, waving a hand by her hair. Heat blooms behind my face as I swallow something thick. I pat down my hair.

"I did but I fell asleep," I say, glancing down at my clean brown pants and dark shirt. Avalynn squints at me but continues walking. Her slip hardly moves from her legs. It brushes her thighs and then returns to its spot before.

"Well I did not expect you to study at that so, good job I guess? I much less expected anything from you," She says, slowing as we turn a corner. The corridor lightens as we pass a row of towering windows. Midday sunlight streams in, the weakened pale rays sleeping on the floor.

I press my lips together. Even if my brian looks for loopholes I have to keep reminding myself: I'm her assaulter. She was expecting much worse. She was expecting the me brimming with suffering emotions. The me with swimming lungs and bleary eyes. She didn't expect this me, void of everything. I half wish I could go back. At least then I felt something.

I know I should apologize. I haven't yet. What a terrible person I truly am.

"Basil says my crown will be ready in the next few days," Avalynn says as we pass by the windows. Sunlight creases down her face. It illuminates her features gold.

"Your coronation isn't for a week now," I say. "Why is Basil done so soon?" Avalynn shrugs as we enter darkness once again. Never I'll get used to roaming these halls in the open. The flames of the mounted torches seem strangely err with Avalynn in charge. When it was Roux, it was much more sound.

"Basil likes to get things done. Besides, I like things done too." I nod as Avalynn stops by a servants quarters. Like each spare room meant for royals in this palace, Avalynn has gifted it to a worker. She pushes open the door. The room is a mirror of mine.

A group of people hurry around a small stage. Just a raised platform no larger than a table. A girl with scarlet hair turns, her green eyes wide as her expression pierces shock.

"Oh! Princess!" She pipes. The three others in the room shoot up, dipping their heads in respect. Avalynn smiles hesitantly as her eyebrows draw in. Her hands come to a clasp at her ribs. I watch as the red-headed girl ushers Avalynn in.