Love Above all Else

3. It Takes Courage

"I am only one; But still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still, I can do something." -Hellen Keller

Once in the halls, one of the guides leads me to each of my classrooms for a small tour. It is a simple building because it is such a small town. I can't wait for school to start.

~~~

I am dreading starting school. How could I have been so excited? I am freaking out so much. This is such an important year and I could mess it all up. That is not something to be excited about. What if I become the laughing stock of the school? Oh no. I am freaking out. I can't breathe. No, I can't move. Is this a panic attack I think it's a panic attack? Am I even thinking? I can't do this.

"Sweetie? Are you okay? Snap out of it." 

My mom always knows when I'm upset. I'm okay, I can breathe again. I hadn't even realized I was crying until I reached my hand up to move my hair out of m face and felt my warm moist cheek.

"Yeah, I'm okay. Thanks mom." The lights from the car shone bright on the street as we drove home from the open house. I was drained to the point I was no longer hungry, but then again I was hardly hungry here lately. So as we got into the house I just gave my mom a simple, "goodnight." I turned off my light heading straight for my queen-sized bed. "All I need is a good night's rest.," I tell myself.

~~~

*Bbbblllllllliiiiiiiiiiirrrriiiiiiiinnnggggg*

*Bbbblllllllliiiiiiiiiiirrrriiiiiiiinnnggggg*

That stupid alarm. I want to just throw it against the wall every time it rings. However, I won't ever do that. I love my cute black and gold analog clock. So instead, I turn it off and sit it down on my nightstand. It has been four days since the open house and my anxiety had gone through waves of intensity. It is the first day of school. Oh crap! I need to get ready.

After putting on leggings, a long t-shirt, and sandals, and then curling my hair I am halfway done. I go into the bathroom and stare at myself in the mirror. My brown almond eyes have bags and dark circles underneath. I need makeup. So I brush my teeth and put on some light makeup. Just some concealer, bronzer, and mascara. Last but not least, all I have to do is pray. I need all the courage I can get.

"God," I neal by my bed, "give me strength for today. Give me patience for the opportunity to get to know people. Thank you for this opportunity even if I am nervous. You are amazing so I need you to work your magic. I love and praise you. Amen."

*Screeeeech*

Oh, the bus. I run, grabbing my bag on the way. Just as the bus is about to pull away, I rush to its doors. "Goodmorning." Me and the bus driver exchange pleasantries. As I turn to walk down the aisle, I notice everyone is staring at me. Slowly, I walk past each kid interested in me, the new girl. I make my way toward to back of the bus. The seat is just the same as any other bus seat as I plop down. Uncomfortable. Back pain here I come. I put in my earbuds and play my favorite playlist on my phone and try to relax. Right now would be the perfect time to write, but it is too bumpy so I use my computer to jot down some of my thoughts while along for the ride. It is only thirty minutes in when we screech to a halt. I look outside my window to see the school. This is it. God, please keep me from having a panic attack. I wait in line to get off the bus and take my first steps officially into school at Hunter high. It feels like a weird dream. I make a b-line straight for the office to introduce myself to the front desk lady.