Love Above all Else

6. Study the Truth

"Study first, play afterward." -Daniel D. Palmer

*Trigger warning in beginning of chapter*

Today is the day. The day I either embarrass myself or make a new friend. Really, it is just the day I study with Marco. Getting through classes is the hardest task when you are waiting for the clock to strike three. Seven hours of torture for me. Woo! Did you catch the sarcasm? 

I go through my classes as the teachers drone on. When lunch comes around, I even take a nap to make it go by quicker. But nothing seems to make time move on faster. Class after class, break after break. I wait and wait and wait. I saw Marco in pre calculus, but I couldn't bring myself to talk to him. He makes me nervous.

*Briiiiingg*

Finally. Two fifty. Before anyone can even stand up, I am out of the classroom. I want to be punctual for Marco. I walk over to the library, nervous as can be. I turn around to the sound of a cheerful voice. Marco Ambrose. Dressed in a leather jacket with his school t-shirt, and jeans, he looks like an all American high schooler. But his messy blond hair and plump lips seem even more stirring today. Something inside me just wants to walk over to him and take him by the hand. 

I need to snap out of it. We are friends. We are here to study. 

"I already picked out a table so... Lets get started?"

"Uh yeah. just let me go grab my text book. I forgot it in my last block. You don't mind waiting here do you?" I hate being alone. It brings me back to my dark place. But he doesn't know that.

"How about I walk with you. I don't really like being alone. I'll be quiet though. You won't even hear a peep out of me if that's better." 

He just gives a nod and starts walking out of the library. I scramble to keep up with him. We walk in silence for a couple of minutes, but it begins to be unbearable. Just in time to save the day, he speaks up. He must have also felt how uncomfortable the silence was.

"So. Why don't you want to be alone? If you don't mind me asking..."

That was a tough question. I don't know how to answer that to a stranger, but I try to be as honest as possible in these kinds of situations. 

"Well, It is a long story."

"We have time."

So I start telling him my story. How my dad left me when I was little. How I was assaulted by my sister. The trip back home to Tennessee after my mom got out of the military and came back home to us. Then my struggles growing up with bullying and my growing anxiety. The multiple times we had to move. Guys taking advantage of me. My depression becoming more relevant. We walk through the school, me talking and him listening, only stopping to grab his book. I continue telling him about my recent bout of anxiety and depression and how it made me sick. Not only mentally but physically. It gave me hypertension and an eating disorder. It is hard for me to be honest about these things, but I haven't told anyone else here about my situation. We find ourselves back in the library when I get to the end of my story.

"And then, after vacation this past summer, I really started to hate myself. It's no big deal now, but I was really messed up. It was completely illogical. I began to think everyone hates me. Like no matter what I did I upset people and they would be better of without me. So one night I decided it was time for me to help them all out and I took a pack of cold medicine to end my life. I threw it all up so it didn't work so I'm fi-"

I stop my rant when I feel his arms suddenly go around me. He holds the surprise embrace for a long time, but it is comforting so I don't say anything. I didn't even know that I needed this.