Love Above all Else

13. The Letting Go

"Depression is being colorblind and constantly being told how colorful the world is." -Atticus

*trigger warning

I am exhausted. Today is the thirty-first and I am supposed to be heading over to Riley's, but I don't want to. I just want to lay in bed and sleep the day away. I don't want to be up because I don't want to be stuck in my head all day long to where I don't see the beauty of the day. I need to text Riley to tell her I can't come but the first thing I see when I pick up my iPhone is a text from Riley.

'Can't wait to see you!'

I can't do it. I have to go. She is too excited for me to let her down today, so I text her a simple, "me too." After responding to Riley, I get up from bed and drag myself to my bathroom to brush my teeth and rinse my face. I open the sliding doors and go into my closet, picking out a t-shirt and ripped jeans. After throwing on my outfit and putting up a messy bun, I throw on my brown strappy sandals.

One sluggish morning routine later, I am closer to being ready to leave the house than I have been since Christmas eve night. I make myself a cup of tea to wake up and plan to go sit outside. I eventually grab a jacket and step outside to see the sun creating a pink and orange painting across the sky with beautiful wisps and golden rays across the ground. I need to wake up more before I have to see Riley later. After sitting down with my tea, I hear the door creak open, so I look over from the beautiful sky before me to the person exiting the house. My mom walks outside with her mug of what I assume is her daily coffee and she sits down in the chair beside me.

"You seem a lot better this morning," she says without even looking at me.

"I am going to Rileys later."

"Oh, that'll be good for you."

I don't know why she says it like I am in need of help. "Yeah I guess," is all I can manage to say.

She finally looks over at me and comments, "Isn't the sky beautiful?"

"Yes?"

"It reminds me a lot of you, Belle. Beautiful if you take the chance to see it. You will only witness its beauty if you sacrifice your comfort in the morning to see it. I am glad I get to see that in you.  Have you felt that way with Marco at all?" I am taken aback. How did she manage to say that? Especially this early in the morning? I sit my drink on the table and sit back in the chair. "Now isn't someone like that worth waiting for?"

She asks a good question. Was it that way with Marco? It took me a while to get him to open up. Each day I had to try and try to get to know him and one day he did open up to me. I had to make myself uncomfortable to truly see him as he is. How am I supposed to wait for someone who I am connected with so deeply? I know him and I didn't think he would shut me down like that. Would I wait for Marco as I would wait for a morning like this?

"Think about that Belle." She finishes her coffee and gets up to go back into the house. I sit here for almost an hour in my head thinking about my mother's words.

"Hey, Belle!"

I look up from my phone to see Riley's car pulling up into the driveway with her head out the window yelling at me. This is a sight to see. I give her a look of confusion but walk up to the car anyways.

"What are you doing here? I was gonna walk up to your house later."

"Change of plans. Hop in." She leans in to pat the passenger seat. "Come on."