Amber & Honey ~ [DR3]

40. Hungary

Tysm as always, I still can't believe we're on over 100k reads
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Walking into the paddock with Daniel was probably the most nerve wracking thing I've ever done.

Scratch that, I take back my words.

Walking into the Mclaren motorhome is the most nerve wracking thing I've ever done.

As soon as we're in the confines of the team area, doors sliding closed behind us Daniel grasps my hand within his and I think even he notices the small shake to them. After being surrounded by cameras and reporters on the way here his touch in the more secluded area feels foreign and...new. I'm incredibly aware of every pair of eyes on us as people mill around, moving with purpose to carry out their duties, all with a quiet glimpse of curiosity in Daniel and I's direction.

I really have no right to be here. I shouldn't be here. Lando asked me not to be here. Well really, he told me not to be here, even going as far as removing my access to the paddock for the weekend, cancelling my flights and hotel room - everything. It stung, but I peacefully accepted it without an angry word to him. All because I'm trying to let him wallow and get whatever he's feeling out of his system.

Yet, here I am.

Pinned to Daniel's side because he asked me to be here, fighting the urge to throw up the scraps of toast I'd managed to force down my throat this morning. Stuffed full of anxiety that only calms in his presence or when his hand is holding mine.

Daniel had taken care of everything, as always. Getting a new paddock pass for me (and an all access pass for the Mclaren garage), travel to and from the track since had to stay late tonight, food through the day - the whole trip had been thoroughly reorganised for me. Only for the reasoning that he wanted me around.

I managed to skirt out of yesterday (and Friday), citing my growing anxiety and a migraine as my reason avoidance. Today I was out of excuses. Especially when Daniel woke me up by lacing lazy kisses across my shoulder and weaving his fingers through my hair tugging on it lightly in that delicious way only he can. I was putty in his hands, unable to ever reject any of his plans. He knew what he was doing. He knew that I knew what he was doing. It didn't make a difference.

"Relax." Daniel urges quietly, a squeeze of my hand. The touch is quickly released so that his hand can rest on the small of my back, guiding me through the rooms of the motorhome until I reach the spot I was clearly designated to for most of today until the race.

We had a full pep talk this morning once it was decided I'd actually show my face. The pair of us went through the do's and don'ts of our relationship when at the track now that everyone close to us knows. Hand holding in the paddock is strictly off limits (for now), as well as PDA in the garage area where camera's swarm and Lando could see. At least until his wounds have healed a little it feels wrong to goad him with the very thing he's so uncomfortable with.

After some arguing on Daniel's end we had settled on some things though.

First, we can tell anybody we like that we're together (with the exception of the press). Secondly, in quieter areas of the paddock, where fewer curious eyes or cameras are present (such as the aforementioned Mclaren motorhome), quiet public displays of affection are allowed - Daniel was most insistent on this. He said he wanted to be able to hold my hand here more than anything. He put it as wanting 'the little things' that let people know we're together. Honestly, I get it and after holding myself back around him for so long, it feels nice to be able to relax a little. Even if it is just for a few moments when our fingers are interlocked, or his hand lingers against my skin a little longer than it did before.